No, Not that

For those of my readers that are parents.. Have you ever seen a characteristic in your child that is so much like you and you wished you could change it? I had a night like that tonight. Let me explain!

As a young child, I had a TERRIBLE temper. I would hit my head on the floor in anger and tear up my favorite toys. I was awful. My mom worked with me and never gave up. I claim that I would have been labeled emotionally disturbed or behavior disordered if it weren't for her. Sad to admit, but I still have some temper that I have to work CONSTANTLY on to keep it under control. So, tonight when I saw a HUGE temper out of Todd I wanted to scream. I wanted to beat it out of him so that he would not have the struggles I have had and still have to work on daily. As I took away the WII (his favorite thing ever) and then watched him nearly lose his chance to see Clone Wars (something he has talked about since April), I wanted to help him to see the way I see it now. Unfortunately, he can't yet. I wanted him to see how this entire fit was useless and would not end with him "winning" He would only lose things and still do it my way. Yet, it took many things being removed before he got the picture. As I came into our room, I told Brad, "I thought we were done with this phase from his terrible 2's". Unfortunately, he has to learn how to make a mistake and move on. He and I tend to get so mad at ourselves when we mess up that we make more bad decisions. I just hope that I can help him see this like my mom did for me.

Parenting is so tiring and scary! I know tonight I will say an extra prayer for wisdom for all of us. I think we could all benefit from more prayers for each other!

The Fall

As I have stated before in previous blogs, this pregnancy has been very different from the first. I have had complications, stresses, and concerns that I did not have before. Saturday night was no different. I was tired and had just put Todd to bed. We have been going to bed later than usual so I was very tired. I went to walk into our living room and fell flat on my stomach after tripping over a mop handle that was laying in the floor from where we had been cleaning earlier. I tried to catch myself but still hit my stomach. After a few minutes of being mad at myself and referring to my What To Expect book, I decided to call the Dr. I thought they would say, "NO blood, no big deal" but instead it was, "go to the Er and get hooked up to the monitors just in case". We got Todd out of bed and drove to the ER, where my parents met us and took Todd home. After 3 hours of monitoring, a urine sample, 5 tubes of blood, and the sounds of a screaming woman giving birth, we were discharged. We were out of the Er at 1:30 am. I was put on "bed rest" on Sunday as a precaution. I did not follow it too well because Todd's meet the teacher was that afternoon and so I wanted to meet her. I guess all of that will be another blog entry!

one really sad part to the whole story was Todd's reaction to the fall. He had heard me fall and came rushing from his room. He wanted to know if I was OK and then he asked what I had fallen on. We told him the handle and he went right back to bed with no other comments or questions. When he woke up in the hospital room, Brad was going to explain where we were and he said he knew it was because of the fall. He came to the bedside and said in the sweetest, most loving voice, "I am sorry mommy. I laid that mop down. I hope you are OK". I was so glad that the end result was good because I am not sure how he would have handled it all.


Anyway, I am fine and so is the baby. It was just another story to add to this pregnancy. Needless to say, I will be glad when October 15th arrives!!!

One of those days

We all had those days. The kind that you wished you had never even started and was excited that it was finally over. Monday was one of those days. Todd was going to stay with my mom and dad for a few days with my nephews so that they could all go to VBS at my parent's church. I had a few errands to run before getting over there. I agreed to stay and help get them to VBS since my mom can only carry 2 in her car. I was really tired that day because I had not slept well. That made for a negative start. During the day, things went fine. We were busy, but everyone was fine. I took Todd to VBS and went to Walmart while he was there. My mom was there so I did not need to worry about leaving him. I went and took him back home and helped get them situated for the night. It was then that things went downhill FAST. On my way home, Brad tells me that the addition we had already signed paperwork on, might not happen because of easement issues. I was FURIOUS. We had already ripped out a deck, signed construction loan papers and had part of a fence removed and we might not get to get our nice playroom! Brad and I were discussing this. We decided to go outside and see if we could find our property marker and see what we thought. As I walked out the door, Brad comes behind me and shuts the door. Sudden;y I hear him say, "Oh, no, the door is locked. We can't get back in". My response was, "Are you kidding me?!" Oh, I forgot to say that it is 11:00 at night. I had not eaten dinner and I already had a headache from the stress of the issues before. I immediately went to the back door, locked of course. Great. We had no phone on us, no way to get in, and everyone around us was asleep. Brad began to walk down the street to the nearest gas station. He took money to call my parents (who live 20 minutes away). My mom answered and my dad came to the rescue. By the time this was all done, it was almost midnight. I was so tired, mad, and exhausted. I am glad I did not have a Dr. appointment to check blood pressure, I am sure I would have been rushed to the ER with an injection to settle it. Anyway, after all of that, I went yesterday to get a key to hide. Our doors can be opened form the inside and are locked. I am really surprised we have not had more issues like that. And, our room issues were solved and my new addition is in the process. We just have to hope that it is finished before Jackson arrives!!

Oh the Joys

Since school begins August 1st, the class lists were posted today. I thought that teaching at the same school Todd went to would be a big advantage. Boy, was I wrong. As I looked over the list, I found my stomach turning. I would think to myself, "Oh, no, not that kid". I literally told Brad there was one kid I did not want to be in his class. Of course, there was that kid's name on the list. I told Brad and I will hold my tongue, but I do know all of the background to this student and will not put up with behaviors like last year. Todd was very good last year. He was in trouble 2 times, which is very good. However, he will have a lot of transition this year and has potential to get wrapped up into trouble. He is all boy. I do know this, I prayed that he would get who he needs for this year, even if I do not know that person. He got a new teacher. She has taught before and comes from a strong christian family. Let's just hope she has GREAT classroom management! I guess I will try to put aside my thoughts and go with an open mind. Oh, I only thought knowing everyone was good!

The Baby Borrowers

I had seen this show advertised but was at church each week when it was showing. Brad and Todd left today to go visit his dad at the beach for a few days so I had plenty of time tonight. I realized this show was on tonight in marathon form. I watched it and laughed so hard. The show is about teens that think they are ready to get married and have children. They set them up with babies under 1 first and then toddlers. It was so funny to watch them. They had each age for 3 days and nights. Some did very well but realized they were not ready. Others, could not communicate with each other at all.

Brad and I got married young. We chose to wait for 5 years before having kids. I think that was so wise of us. We were able to develop our relationship before bringing a baby into the relationship. As I watched this show, it made me realize a few things
1). I am glad I was older when Todd was born
2). I am so glad that Brad and I can communicate so well with each other.
3). Children are priceless but are a lot of work.
4). relationships are a lot of work.
5). I cannot imagine my life without the support of Brad and family.

This also made me wonder.. what do you think has been the hardest stage you have had to handle your child/children? Is it the first month of their life, terrible 2's, terrible 3's, etc. I am interested to see what you have to say. And for those of you with more than one child.. was it different with each child?

Happy Birthday, Todd!!

It is hard to believe that it has been six years since God blessed us with such a sweet boy. As I look at these pictures of him as a baby, I am saddened at how fast time has flown by but I am so proud of who he is thus far. I could not ask for a child that could bring anymore joy to our lives than Todd has brought. He is my entertainment every day. As I look at his face, I am reminded of those spit-up drenched clothes, those smiles that still melt my heart, of those tantrums at two, the first time he told me he loved me, the first day of pre-school, and the first day at school. But most importantly I see a precious soul that God has granted Brad and I. When I look at him. I see the true meaning of the lyrics of the song Every Time.

Every time
Words and Music: Philip Organ © 1994 Philip Organ Lyrics:
Everytime I kneel to pray I open up my heart to my Lord
Everytime I close my eyes I feel the sweet embrace of my Lord

Chorus 1:I don't know why so many things seem to get in the way of seeing my God's glory
But I try everyday to see and thank Him for all the things He's given me

Everytime I see a child I see the gentleness of my Lord
Everytime I watch a storm I know the awesome power of my Lord

Chorus 2:I don't know why so many things seem to get in the way of seeing my God's glory
But I try everyday to see and thank Him for all the things He's given me

Everytime I see a cross!

Happy Birthday, Buddy!

PS I Love You

Brad and I watched this movie tonight. I will not tell too much about it but at deals with coping with death of a spouse. Thankfully, I have never had to endure this. However, I cried like a baby during parts of this movie.

As most of you know, almost a year ago we were expecting a baby. We ended up losing this baby at 8 weeks. We had genetic testing and found out that it was a girl. We named her Faith. As I watched this movie, I thought about the lose of this baby. I will never know what she looked like or who she acted like. I will also never have a little girl in a physical sense (We are done after Jackson). All of that is sad to me, however, as Jackson was kicking non-stop, it made me realize he would not have been here if Faith had been here. I do not know what the Lord has in store for our family. I do not know what Jackson will be like or who he will look like, but I do know that God has a plan for him. He needed Jackson on this Earth. So, though my heart still hurts with our loss, it leaps for joy at the thought of my baby boy, Jackson! I can't wait to see what God has in store for him!

Baby Update

Today we had our follow-up ultrasound since they could not get all of the views at the 20th week. I was nervous still because of the 2 vessel cord that I mentioned. Today, after much poking, we were able to get all of the views except the profile possibly. She got a picture of the profile, but was not sure if the Dr. would think it was good enough. All of the anatomy was NORMAL!! We are very excited. Today showed that he is 24 plus weeks. This is a week ahead of what we have said. That makes the estimated due date my birthday! He is already 1 lb 8 oz. He is not a small boy.



By the way, I have had some ask if we have a name. Yes, we do. He will be named Jackson Ray. These are both family names. We will call him Jackson, not Jack!



On a side note, have you ever felt that God places situations in front of us to make us rely on him? That is the way I have felt this entire time with this pregnancy. First of all, we were able to get pregnant after many years and a miscarriage. Then, I was so worried that we would lose this baby. Each of the first few visits, they were unable to locate heartbeats so I had to have ultrasounds. After all of that, they told me about the cord issues. Each visit I have had has required me to wait to get answers. Some visits is is minutes others it is days.

I guess these experiences are forcing me to trust. Trust God and no one else. It is also teaching me patience. I have always considered myself patient. I guess this just proves you can always better yourself. In the scheme of a christian walk with Him I guess trust and patience would rant high with Him.

Complaint

I have to say that I hate a modified year around school schedule. I did not like it as a teacher and I hate it as a parent. We got out of school on May 30th. Todd will be back in class on August 1st. That is not enough summer break. It seems like they just get started and it is over. Between VBS, vacation to Brad's dad's house, birthday party, Brad's mom visiting, and Forth of July, there is no extra time. Anyway, I guess I will have to deal with it or home school, which will not happen. Does everyone else have such a short summer?

VBS

Okay, this time last year I was heading up our VBS. I organized everything from registration and advertising to crafts and skits. I loved the imagination part of it and since I wasn't working I had time to bargain shop. This year, I refused to head it up. However, I got roped into crafts again. Since I was trying to finish up my school work, I ignored it for a while. The church-wide VBS is this Saturday and we are doing a small VBS for some girls on Friday. I have good memories of VBS. I really had fun with it in high school. A friend of mine always had extravagant ideas. We would spend countless hours together working on it. Perhaps that is how we became such good friends. However, I think VBS has lost some of its impact. What do you all think. Do you think it is still an effective outreach or in reach? Do you think it may be a time when something else is more effective? I just would like some others feedback.

A weekend alone

Brad and Todd got up early Saturday to take a trip to Six Flags for the day. Since Brad traveled so much last summer, he has tons of hotel points. They decided they would spend the night Saturday night and return home today. Well, I get a call this morning from Todd saying he REALLY wanted to go to Six Flags again today. See, it was so hot yesterday that he spent a lot of the day in the water park. Thus, he did not get to ride all of the rides. Since he is so tall, he can ride things that go upside down and backwards. I told Brad to go to the store and get a Lunchables because they had a free child's ticket. He went and purchased the last box they had. So, Todd and Brad are spending all day today at Six Flags and will return home tonight. My house has been so quiet I do not even know what to do. Yesterday, my mom and dad came and painted the nursery Aloe Vera green. I love the color. I figure we will do something besides blue while we can. I will have to take a picture of the nursery when we are done. It will be several weeks, though. We are going to lay wood flooring before we move everything back in the room.

Laminin

I was able to hear this lesson live at a Chris Tomlin concert. I was reminded of it this week. This is by a guy named Louie Giglio. He does a lot of teen talks. I have added the video. It is about 9 min. It is amazing stuff. If you get a chance, watch this!

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=152b5103d741aca61093

It's a ......

BOY!!! Yes, we will have another little boy. We are excited and Todd is saying he will look like him. We will have a follow-up ultrasound in 3 weeks. They were not able to get pictures of a few things and will do it again then. We were also told that my cord has only one artery and one vein instead of two arteries. They Dr. said that happens some times. I made a BIG mistake and looked it up on the Internet and made myself nervous. I guess there are some issues with birth defects when this is present. This baby has given us a run for our money already! Please keep us in your prayers. I am sure things are fine because they would have looked at it sooner if it were really bad, but it still makes me nervous. We can't wait to invite this little one in our family!

I was tagged

I was tagged by my friend Tamara to write a six word sentence summarizing my outlook on life. After thinking on this, here is what I decided: Trust in God at all times.



I have endured many challenging circumstances in my life. Many of these times, I questioned God. I felt like I was being punished. Almost all of these times, I saw later that it was a blessing. I will give you a few examples:

• Brad and I losing our job in Oklahoma with a 2 month old baby: At the time, we were very angry. This is a time in my life I was most angry at God. I did not understand. After all, I had to live with my parents for many months. Now, I see it as a HUGE blessing. One, we were able to move closer to my family, which allowed Todd to be very close to my parents. Two, we were able to make a lot more money. Finally and most importantly, in the long run, we developed a much stronger faith in God!


• Brad getting a job in Chicago: This really stunk at the time. He was gone 4 nights a week. When he was home, he was working on next week's stuff and we had to pay major money because he was self-employed. However, it only lasted 4 months and now he is in a field he loves and makes good money. This opportunity totally changed his career path into something he loves.


• Difficulty getting pregnant: This was hard. I doubted myself in this one. I thought that I was unable to have another child because of my inability to parent. Now, I see that it was in His timing. I realize now that Todd was a difficult 2 year old and needed all of my time and energy to discipline.


• Finally, losing a baby after so many years of trying: This was hard for me to even type. I do have to say that because of some of these other events, I did not struggle with this one like I would have thought. Don't get me wrong, I was caught saying things like, "He must love watching me suffer!" I had found peace with it but still hurt until I took my current job. After teaching children with severe disabilities, I realize that God spared me. He gave me the easy way out. He allowed me to not have to suffer over a child with severe problems.

OK, that was long and wordy! Sorry. Thanks, Tamara for having me think on this. I will tag a few people. I tag Tracy, Franklin, Jeni, and Becky.

Yes, I am here

I just realized how long it has been since I posted. If anyone is still reading, I will give some thoughts.

• A terrible stomach virus has been going around and I got it last week and now Todd has it. Luckily, it is fast moving. I almost ended up on IV with it, though. I hate stomach issues!!!


• We will find out the sex of our baby next week (29th). We are really excited!!


• I only have 4 1/2 more days of school and cannot wait!! It is true that teacher's are just as excited, if not more!


• We are looking at adding on an addition to our house. We want a big play room. I will keep you updated.


• Finally, Sunday was Senior Sunday at church. Since Brad is the youth deacon, we are around these kids all of the time. Todd loves it! There are some amazing kids graduating this year that will forever change a church somewhere. They are very spiritual and strong. In class, they were sharing advice to the younger teens. Being that I am pregnant, I fought back tears the entire time. It brought back emotions of my graduation and all of my friends from school. (I love you all dearly!!) I can remember my feelings. So, it brought me to another realization that these kids were Todd's age when I graduated. I am really getting old!!!

So, I thought it would be fun to get your feelings on the day you graduated and what advice you would tell a graduating Senior today. I will share my stuff in a few days!

Special Olympics

I have not posted any information in a while. I thought I would take a minute and write about my week this next week. I have signed my kids up in class to participate in Special Olympics. This is such a great program. When I was at Harding, I helped with it one year. It is an experience that is unlike anything else. The participants all have major struggles, but they have a spirit unlike anything I have witnessed. It is truly a blessing to participate. If you ever get a chance, do it.

Anyway, we are all participating. The kids are so excited. Now none of them can actually go to regionals this year because of their age, but next year they can. They have never done any kind of sport, so they are very excited. Here is the funny part, I am their coach. Yes, me. The non-athletic, 16 weeks pregnant woman is their coach. I guess it is a good thing that they aren't really competing. We go this Friday. I will let you all know how it turns out. I might decided I was crazy to do this. I doubt it, though!

Finally better

Okay. finally at almost 15 weeks, my morning/night sickness is basically gone! I am so glad. I was tired of being sick every night. Also, I am on my last week of regular pants. Today, I managed to squeeze into my regular pants. I told Brad I think this will be the last time I will be able to do that. I guess it is about time to start showing some. I did not show at all until I was 5 months with Todd. Everyone told me to expect it to come sooner this time. Oh, well, at least I know the baby is growing!

Huge Nightmare!

Let me just start this off and say that this has nothing to do with our unborn child!

I will tell you how the last 24 hours has been for me. Last night, we were expected to get some severe storms. I had followed the weather and knew the approximate time they would arrive. Just like clock work, Todd popped into our room at that time (1:00 ish). There was no way he was returning to bed. Brad left the bed and let Todd in. We had gotten home late because Brad had a flat tire (another good story for the last 24 hours) and so we had not given Todd his Zyrtec. He snored, coughed, and sputtered all night. On top of that, he slept right up next to me. Needless to say, sleep did not happen last night.

After no sleep, I woke up to see how the weather was going to be the remainder of the day. I saw bad storms expected around 10:30. I prepared for the worst and headed to school. During reading, we had a practice tornado drill because we missed it yesterday. We got in our spot in the hallway. 2-3 minutes later, we were back to the letter L. I got 3 picture identified and discussed when we hear this message, "Students, all faculty, and staff, this is a tornado drill." The kids moaned and we were not happy either. This time, we had to go to the 5th grade boy's bathroom. It doesn't get any nastier than that. We had our kids down basically sniffing nasty floors. The drill got longer and longer so we moved out of the bathroom. Finally, we realized that not far from the school, their was a tornado touchdown. Now, keep in mind, the kids think this is practice. As the time goes on, they are getting mad. They are complaining that they hurt. Finally, they told the 5th grade down our hall that it was real. After about 1 hour and 15 minutes, we were allowed to return to class. We missed our lunch schedules and most importantly, my kids missed their playtime. As you can imagine, we did not get anything accomplished the remainder of the day!

So, Jeni, it was taken very seriously. I know that both the principal and the assistant principal were outside watching the storms because we lost contact with central office. We all made it fine, but it was not fun! The funny thing is my poor kids thought it was just a long drill. When I asked Todd, he said he didn't like it because his legs hurt and "I was beginning to think it was a real tornado or something". Some of the Kindergarten even went to sleep!

Happy Birthday 1 day late

Yesterday was Erika's birthday. I know I am one day late but was very sick yesterday. I posted pictures on Rebecca's birthday back in October. I decided to gather past memories for Erika, too. Looking for these pictures is always so much fun. I hope all of my high school friends enjoy!

I love the yellow ball in Rebecca's hair!

Our powder puff game our Senior year. That was a lot of fun! It is a little hard to recognize us.

Some of us dressed up for Jr/Sr. This was our JR. year. Didn't we all look so young!

Erika, happy birthday. Although we are older and have gone our separate ways, I still remember all of the good times we shared! I pray that you have a wonderful year this year!

Various Happenings

I have been so busy the last week. I will try to update.

1). We started soccer this past week. Todd loves it because he is crazy about running. He says he wants to be a runner when he grows up. Let me just say, he DID NOT get that from me. I hate running. Walking, swimming, lifting weights.. those I like. Never would I choose to run. Anyway, he loves it and it is church based so it is not as competitive. It is also much shorter seasons and games than T-ball.

2). I had a 12 week appointment yesterday. Went in thinking quick and left 2 hours later. They went to listen to the heartbeat and could not find it. Yes, you read that right. They poked and pushed and could not get it. Also, my blood pressure was up a lot. Mine is usually on the verge of too low. See next point to see why it was high. Anyway, after much poking, they told me they could not get it and I would have to have an ultrasound. This time they sent me downstairs, which is the high risk doctors office. Surprisingly, I stayed calm. I filled all of their paperwork out and waited. Keep in mind, I was alone because Brad can't take off once a month for an appointment that should take 5 minutes. After what seemed like an hour, they called me back. They got their "big dog ultrasound equipment" out. I was watching and got nervous because I did not see the "flutter of the heart". Finally, I asked her if their was a heartbeat. She said their was and it looked great. But, let me just say, it was moving like crazy. Oh, great Todd is active enough. This will probably be constantly on the move! All checked out fine. They were having trouble because my placenta was in the front, which is fine. This makes them pick up my heartbeat instead of baby's. What a relief!!!

3). Now the explanation on the blood pressure. I cannot give any details, but work has been stressful! There has been a lot of things going on that is wearing me out. Please keep me in your prayers. This has been the most stress my job has EVER given me and I have dealt with a lot. Just keep me in your prayers!

4). Still sick as a dog from pregnancy! I am hoping it ends soon. I am 13 weeks tomorrow!!! This has got to end!

Well, that about wraps it up. Maybe I can get less busy and not have to write a marathon blog to catch people up!

Prayer

Many of my high school friends will remember Eddie Carson. He graduated 2 years before we did and was very close to my family. He spent a lot of time with them. My husband and brother are in a fantasy football leage that began in college. Eddie is part of that league. We found out today that he has a brain tumor or mass that will hae to be removed tomorrow (Wed). Please pray that he comes out of the surgery safely and they are able to remove it all. He is currently in ICU in Texas. Thanks for your prayers!

Donkey Race

I have to share this because it is so funny! Yesterday in Todd's Bible class, they were talking about Jesus traveling on a donkey. So, in class, they were going to have donkey races. Todd, being one of the biggest kids was going to be one of the donkeys. Todd got down on all fours and a little girl, a good friend of his and the preacher's daughter, got on his back. I am not sure how many were racing at one time, but it was obviously a competition to Todd. Evidently, as he was racing around a curve, his hands went out from under him and he slid nose-first on the carpet. He now has a carpet burn on the bridge of his nose and his forehead. Good news, though: He won the next race! I just wished I could have seen these races!

Breathe by Michael W. Smith

Brad is beginning a series witht he teens on believing in God and atheism. He handed out a 1 question survey to them yesterday. It simply asked where their faith was right now. The choices were:
1) My faith has been tested and I see him working in my life.
2). My faith has been tested but I am do not see him working in my life.
3). I am not sure if God exists or if I believe in him.
4). I do not believe in God.

This got me to thinking. Without a doubt, I could answer #1 today. Not to say that my spiritual life is perfect, but that I know he works in my life. There are times when I have trouble seeing it because of my own sin or distractions, but I know he is there.

However, as a teen, what would my answer have been? I know I believed in God but did I think he worked in my life? I do not know that I would have thought that. Would I have even had a handle of what that truly means? I do not think I would have understood that.

I think spiritual depth comes through experiences. No, they do not all hav eto be bad ones. Unfortunately, I tend to learn more from the valleys than the mountain peaks. I guess it is because we have to be desperate. Have you ever felt that desperation for something. Dying for chocolate, dying for a drink or food, dying to see a family member. How often are we dying to spend time with our God? How often are we "desperate for Him"?

I am reminded of an old song by Michael W Smith. I love this song! This is what I desire: to be desperate for Him. I have come along way, but I have a long way to go. I pray that we all can be that desperate for Him!

Beginning of Spring Break?

Okay, this weekend begins our 2 week Spring Break. I thought this was too early for a spring break and our weather is a big proof that I was correct. This morning, we woke up to snow covered ground. This is the most snow we have had in 5 years. Here are some pictures from our fun in the snow!

Todd with a big snowball! We made lots of these today! I love snowball fights!

Us and the snowman family. The snow would not cooperate in making a good ball. Todd was convinced that we needed to make all of us. Therfore, we resorted to bowls to speed up the process. That is why our snowmen look a little odd. We also were out of carrots so we used Fruit Loop drinking straws!
I added this picture because of the meaning behind it. If you look closely, behind the middle snowman (Me), you will see a tiny snowman with little stick arms. This is our baby snowman. Todd wanted to add it but we can't see it so we had to put it behind me. He was so excited about that addition!

Finally

We told Todd this morning about the baby. His response was priceless. His first response was "Really?" The he looks down and is confused. We showed him a picture, which looks like a peanut, and says, I don't see it. Then, he throws his arms up in the air and says, "Finally, it is our turn to have a baby"! He has talked about it all day. He says he wants a brother but refers to it as a she if he is not thinking about it. He will be so great with a baby. He can't wait to find out what it is!

Sigh, the sound of relief

Okay, many of you have read or know that we had an ultrasound today. Yesterday, we went and they could not hear the heartbeat but thought things were fine. Since I will have a repeat c-section, they have to know an exact fetal age. Therefore, an ultrasound within the next couple of weeks was needed. Well, me, the impatient one, had to know that this one was okay. I went to get the ultrasound and we have a peanut with a heartbeat of 171!!! We are very pleased and thankful. As always, please continue to pray for a health little one! Actual due date is October 15th. It will probably be taken before then. God is good!! Thanks for your prayers and concerns! By the way, we will tell Todd soon. Now I have to go to parent/teacher conferences! I will be there from 4-7 and I think only 1 parent is coming!!

Tagged

I was tagged by my friend Kristin. Here are my answers.

What I was doing 10 years ago: I was living in Arkansas going to school at Harding. I had almost been married 1 year. Yes, I was very young when I got married!! My life was very uncomplicated then.

5 Things on my To Do List today: It has already been a busy morning! I had to get Todd off to school. I had to go copy sheets for school since I am gone today. I have to return a few things to Target. I have to get an ultrasound. Go pick Todd up from my mom's this afternoon and do laundry.

Snacks I Enjoy: I enjoy cheese and crackers. I also like fruit when it is season. Ice cream is always good, too.

Things I would do if I were a Billionaire: If I were to have that kind of money, I would use a small portion to buy a bigger house and a truck for Brad. The rest I would give away. I have always wanted to fund and run a school for special education students that could be little or no cost for the families. I also think a lot of St. Jude's. I would have fun giving it away!

3 of my Bad Habits: Worrying: I am working on that. Back-seat driver, and procrastinating

5 places I have lived: Okay, this list is crazy. Just for your entertainment I will list them all! Montgomery, AL (2 diff. times), Nashville, TN (2 different times but 4 houses), Dallas, Texas (1 time), Searcy, Arkansas (1 time but 3 houses), Atlanta Georgia (1 time), Ponca City, Ok (1 time but 2 houses). Yes, I hate to move now!!!!

5 Jobs I have had: Q-Zar party coordinator, day care worker, babysitter, special education teacher, personal tutor, and stay-at-home mom!


Well, there you have it. I think most of my friends that will do this have been tagged, but I will tag Jeni. I am sure she will do it. If anyone else wants to do it, go for it and leave a message so I will know to read it.

Out Again

Yes, we got another day off of school due to snow. We have not any real good snows just enough to make the schools cancel. As you can imagine, Todd is VERY upset when we have too miss school! (Yes, I am being sarcastic). I am glad we were out because our absentees have been crazy this week. I have 7 in my class and the past 2 days I only had 3 and it was not the same 3. We have the flu, a stomach virus, and strep going around. I hope to stay clear of that.

On anther note, I go to the Dr. a week from today. I am very nervous and excited all balled into one. I have not had any bleeding thus far. I am hopeful that all is well. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. Oh, and yes, I have been very sick!

Well, that's all for now. I am going to go curl up while Todd plays the Wii!

In Christ Alone Worship Video with Lyrics

Many of you probably know this song. I have loved this song since I first heard it. However, when you hear nearly 7,000 people sing it, it is so convicting. If you have never heard this song, listen to it. It is even better acapella but I could not find a version of it. May we live our lives as if He really commands our destiny! May we stand arm and arm and make a stand for our Lord and Savior!

Winterfest

I just got back from a wonderful trip. I went to Winterfest in Gatlinburg, TN. For those of my high school friends, you will remember these trips. I always enjoyed going as a teen. As an adult, I enjoy it even more. I always look forward to the worship time. This is my 2nd year as a chaperone and I love it! Jeff Walling was the speaker and Jerome Williams led the worship. WOW!! It was amazing. I always coem back with a fresh perspective and the teens are on fire for the Lord after this trip. We took 65 people and it was a great weekend. We had no discipline issue and we had 2 baptisms.

As I sat during one of the services, I sat back and thought about how encouraging it was to see that many teens fired-up for the Lord. It then made me reflect on what heaven will be like. In our service, we had 6,000 people. The other service had just as many. The sound of the song service was amazing. Oh, it makes me long for the day when that is what my eternal life will be. I hope that Winterfest still exist when Todd is in school so that he can experience that feeling of pure joy worshipping our Father.

Valentine Gift

Last year, I got my mom a necklace by a company called Pandora. It is like a modern charm bracelet concept. You buy a chain and add different beads. I talked to my brother and dad and they went in on it too. We all picked out charms that reminded us of mom.

I loved the concept of these necklaces but did not get one for myself. However, after the miscarriage, I went and bought myself one. I bought a ring of hearts, a little boy, and the charm pictured in this post, Angel of Hope. Ever since then, for any occasion, Brad and Todd pick out charms for me. I love seeing what they pick out. Usually it is Todd's choices with Daddy's leading. It has become so exciting to see what I will add next. This holiday they got me a strawberry, a heart with a pink stone, and a rose. Some day I will have to post a picture of the necklace. It is so much fun to add to and I get comments on it a lot! I hope all of you have a great Valentine's Day, too!

Believe

I debated back and forth whether to post this information. However, I decided the prayers would comfort me. Brad and I just found out that we are expecting a baby! I am just over 4 weeks so it is very early. I am excited but scared. As you all know, back in August we lost a baby girl. I know that God is in control and I want him to be. However, in my mind, I do not want to endure a heartbreak again. Please keep us in your prayers. I will go to the Dr. on March 5th I believe. (Good sign that I can't remember and I just made it on Tues. :) Last time, we had already had the miscarriage by that time. Please keep us and this baby in mind. If you live around here, Todd DOES NOT know. We will tell him after that visit if things are ok. Please do not say anything around him. He is very in tune to adult's conversations. I know that God will protect us. I know He has a plan. I also know as painful as the miscarriage was, He is the one that sees the final plan. I have to believe that His will will be done! God is good and He is faithful. Though we do not understand His ways at times, He is the only way I want to go!

Happiness

I have a little girl that I teach that I think is precious. She comes in EVERY day smiling and leaves EVERY day smiling. She has a bounce in her step when she walks. She thinks I am the greatest. She has become my "side kick" according to many teachers because she is with me a lot. She is a hard worker and is just pleasant to be around. Her innocence is refreshing. She has struggles but at this point, she doesn't know it.



Secretly, I wish I was like that! I wished I was happy all of the time. I wished I had a bounce in my step and an innocence that was so appealing. I was thinking about this and then I realized that I should be that way. Christ came to this Earth and died for me! Why am I not that happy. Why do I not tell everyone how great my "Teacher" is? Perhaps, if I felt that way about my "Teacher", I would be that happy. So, I am going to strive to have my student's outlook on life! I will bet that I will be that happy, too!

Evolution of Dance

My friend, Jeni, posted this to her website. I thought it was so funny that I would post it on mine. I needed a lighter post! Hope you enjoy it. My favorites from my childhood were 1).Vanilla Ice (I use to do gymnastics routines to it!)
2). The Brady song. Yeah, real sad that I use to know that whole routine.
3). Michael Jackson- I till have the record. Boy, that sounds old!

So, which one brings back good or bad memories for you?

Every Saturday

As you know, it was 2 weeks ago today (Saturday) that I received a phone call that a dear friend of mine had passed away at the age of 33. This has been a difficult situation. It is case like this that we have to have faith that God knows best and that He is the ultimate authority in our lives. I know all of this to be true, but still occurrences like this take a part of your security and comfort. It makes you realize that we are only here temporarily and that this world is not our home. It makes us realize even more that we do not think in God's time.

As I was driving somewhere the other day, I heard a christian song I had never heard. I listen to this genre almost exclusively and had never heard this song. I assumed it was a new release. No, it isn't but the timing for me could not have been better. I have clung to the words of this song since the day I heard it. I have posted a link to hear it, but I am including the words.

As I read the words, I am reminded on many times in my life I was barely hanging on and felt so empty. During those times, I had to know that God was in control and believe in Him. I hope you all can get something from this song, as well. I am sure we all have had times that we were trying to "figure God out". I am also sure we have had times where we blamed God for our pain or question Him. This song sums up some of those thoughts for me. I hope you enjoy.

Every Saturday by Seventh Day Slumber


Saturdays have never been the same
And I still can't believe you're gone
So many things I wish that I could say
I guess the hardest part of moving on
Are these memories that have overtaken me
Once again I'm right here on my knees

I'm barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I'm hurting in so many ways
And though I can't begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you're GOD

Saturdays have never been the same
That moment keeps repeating in my mind
The ringing phone
A call that changed my world
An emptiness that words cannot define
All these memories have overtaken me
So once again I fall upon my knees

And as you cried I cried with you
I'll never leave
I'll carry you through
Can't you see that I was always there?
These ashes of pain will fade

I'm barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I'm hurting in so many ways
And though I can't begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you're GOD
I'm barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I'm hurting in so many ways
And though I can't begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you're GOD


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqz3XYGQHwY- Here is the link to the song if you want to hear it.

I was tagged by Rebecca.

The Rules: Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.or
Share the 5 top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list.or
Share 5 things you never pictured being in your future when your were 25 years old.Tag a minimum of 5, maximum of 10 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.The tagees have a choice of which they want to do.

I will share 5 random facts about myself:
1). As of today, I am a deacon's wife. (Brad will be a deacon over the youth at church.) I think that means we are old!
2). I love the show The Hills. Yes, that is a teenager show but it is like high school days gone bad!
3). I want to learn sign language and plan to do that some day.
4). I am very afraid of snakes.
5). I am a worrier. I worry about far too many things. One of my resolutions is not not worry so much. I have always tried to think out the scenarios. I have come to realize in the last year, that is impossible. Leave it up to God!

There you have it. It is not too exciting. Perhaps I could add number six, my life is pretty boring!:)

I am tagging: Franklin, Tracy, Becky, and Jeni. Everyone else has already been tagged.

The baby

I know you are all wondering. No, we are not expecting a baby. This is something that is so heart wrenching, yet so comforting at the same time. As I mentioned, I was very close to my friend, Evette (the one that passed away). I have not mentioned that I had become close to all of her family because Brad played on their family volleyball team the last 2 years at church. We laughed so much together. Her sister was a labor and deliver nurse for many years. When we had our miscarriage she was an important person to us. Yesterday, as I made my way down the line to speak to all of the family and give Evette my final goodbye, I came to Evonne first. As we embraced and cried, she pulled away from me and this is what she told me, " I hope this doesn't make you mad, but I am going to say it anyway. Evette is rocking your baby for you!" It was at that moment that I lost it. I know she is. I know that she is taking care of Faith. She loved her own children so much and she always was taking care of others children and teaching in the nursery. It was later that I thought, she can take care of my baby and I will take care of hers. We will have to help each other until our families are united for eternity.

The Funeral

Well, we layed my dear friend to rest yesterday. I have to say that was a difficult day. Her family is grieving so much. The still need our continued prayers for peace and strength! As I sat there listening to all of the kind words being said, I glanced up at her husband. He was holding the 8 year old daughter. I have to say that Evette would have been so proud to see him with their little girl. He has been a rock for them to lean on but has been honest about the pain he and they would have to endure. As he cried during moments during the service, his daughter would wrap his arms around his neck and pat his back. I can already see that the love and tenderness Evette would have shown is being shown through her daughter. Thank you all for the prayers and kind words. I am making it day by day. I find myself thinking of her children and husband often. I cannot imagine the pain and confusion they must be experiencing. I pray that God will continue to strenghten them during these times!

Where to go from here

The last few days have been a blur. I find myself being very quiet and reserved. I have been at work but I am just going through the motions. As I read my friend's obituaries, I found myself taken back another time. I just can not get my mind wrapped around the fact that I will never see her. I will never enjoy a humorous conversation with her. I will never play one of her never ending games. I will never hear her laugh or cry. All I will hear is the memories we all had. She was a silent servant. She never saw herself that way. She always wanted more. So, as I prepare for the worst "personal day" in history (that is what I had to take to be gone from school with pay), I am reminded of what is important. I am reminded to be that servant to others and to not take for granted any time we have. No one would have know that a person that seemed so healthy would leave so quickly. Please go and tell those that you love how much they mean to you!

In the blink of an eye...

things can happen that forever change your life. Today has been one of those days. I have written the last few days about my bad days. I sorry to say that today tops them all. I was about to get dressed to go see a new home and then go run errands for my class. That is when we received a phone call that shocked me. A very good friend of mine had passed away. It is actually our preacher's wife: a mother of 3 young children ( 7, 5, and 1 year of age). I cannot explain to you they way I feel. She was the life of a party. I attended a ladies' dinner Thursday and she kept us all laughing. I am still in shock. My heart hurts from the pain. To see her kids cry, it killed me. They would say things about it being hard to not have a mom. PLEASE pray for her husband and kids. They are lost right now. Please pray for all of their families. It is so painful for our entire church. I guess this makes me realize that a job is nothing compared to family! Also, we have to explain this to Todd tonight. He has already had issues with death (see previous post). Please pray for us as we attempt to explain our Lord. He is mighty, He is just and He is in charge. We know He is good and He called her home. We have to lean of His strength and faithfulness during these times!

Thursday...

See Tuesday and Wednesday. Tomorrow is Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday...

Same as Tuesday.

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

I love this song and it pretty much sums up my day! All during break, I had a feeling I would get a new student in my class today. Sure enough, at 8:05, the office buzzed me to come to the office to meet my new student. I did not have text books, desk, supplies, or anything for him. He also increases my age gap by several years and the academic by even more. So all day, I ran like a chicken with my head cut off. On top of all of that, some children had to get use to the school routine again. Oh, well. Tomorrow is a new day. I just pray that I don't get any more new students for a while!

That Moment

This picture may seem a little strange, especially since Christmas has come and gone. However, this ornament brought about a discussion with Todd that is unforgettable. He and I were in Walmart looking at the 50% off merchandise. We came across some really cute ornament balls. I have never been a huge fan of the balls but these had Santa faces and snowmen. He really wanted to buy some and at that price, why not. I bent down to show him all of the different kinds that they had. As I pulled out the snowman, a box of ornaments were behind it like the ones in the picture. He said, "Mommy that is a picture of baby Jesus in the manger with Mary." I told him that he was right. He immediately began one of the sweetest conversations. He insisted that we needed those ornaments because that was the point of Christmas. He continued, "After all, Christmas is not about the presents it is about the birth of baby Jesus. If it weren't for Jesus, we would not have a Christmas." We continued this discussion for quite some time. He was saying that some people don't see it that way, but he does. He likes presents but "Jesus is way more important". I was so proud of him. We ended that discussion and I began looking at ornament storage containers. I glanced back and thought his eyes were closed. Then, I felt a small tug on my shirt and in a whisper this is what I heard. "Mommy, I just prayed". Tear began to fill my eyes. I wanted to grab him and say, now you've got it. You understand it. However, that would have confused him. Instead I said, "Wow, Buddy, that is so great. What did you pray about?" He replied, "Just everything."

This was one of those moments I pray about. For those of you that do not really know Todd, God has given him a heart unlike many males. He is very in tune with people's emotions. He has a servant heart. Trust me this is not any of my doing, only the Father. However, I pray often that Brad and I will raise him to have a servant heart. Sometimes that is a scary prayer. What if he is called to go to a far off country? But I still continue to pray for Him to have that heart. I saw that heart in Walmart. I saw that he was understanding things that will forever change his life.

As I conclude on 2007, I realize how blessed I am. Sure there have been heartaches this year. I lost the little girl that I long for. Brad was out of work some, Todd has been ill a lot lately, my mom still has MS, the list could continue. But, through all of this, I am blessed with the security of knowing that my Father will and does provide all that I need and more. HE has blessed me with a family that I love so dearly. He has blessed me with a church that stretches me spiritually. He has provided financially when it looked bleak. I pray that the Lord blesses us this year and that more than ever we will see His glory revealed to us. May God bless you all in 2008!

I was tagged by Todd

I was tagged by my mommy's friend from high school's daughter. So here is 8 things about me.

1). My name is Todd and I am five.

2). I like to play with Hot Wheels and tracks.

3). I really like to play with my Wii. I like to play Star Wars with Daddy and I am the best in my family at Hot Wheels!

4). I love my mommy and daddy.

5). I like to play computer games.

6). I work a lot at school but my favorite thing about school is PE.

7). I like to go to class at church and I like to play with my friends after church.

8). I like to draw things for my mommy and daddy.

9). Oh, I forgot to add that I love my cousins and really love to play with them and I like Alabama football!

Well, there are my 8 things just as I stated them. My mommy typed them but I came up with them on my own. I am a little bit older than some of the other kids so I had an advantage. I hope you enjoyed reading about me! Thanks Ella for tagging me. I would like to tag: Ava, Nate, and Wendy.

Casting Crowns - Prayer For A Friend

I recently found this song. There are so many people that I can think of that are struggling with spiritual strength or that have never turned to the Lord. This is a beautiful song that expresses what I have felt so often. Sometimes the words I have aren't right. I thank God that I do not have to have the words. I have to turn them over to the Lord and let Him use me as a tool. I pray that you will take a moment and lift up those that you know that do not know Him or that are struggling. Let us take this time to pray for one another's friends. After you take your names before God, leave a message stating that you have done that so that we can pray for each other's friends. Do not list names. God will know who you have brought before Him. This is a lost world in which we live. We need to join together to strengthen those that are struggling.

Pray also for me. Pray that when I open my mouth, the right words will be given to me. Then I can be bold as I tell the mystery of the good news. Ephesians 6:19

So close!

One and a half more days and I am off until January 7th!! I am so ready for it. I can't believe we are in school so close to X-mas. My mother-in-law comes in on Friday night and then we have Christmas with my parents and Brad's mom on Monday. I liked it better when we went back earlier in January and got out more days before the holidays began! I do not have many days to get into the holiday mind-frame! I am very excited about it, though.

AGAIN!!!

I can't believe it. Todd has strep and and ear infection again!! I am so tired of him being sick. He is so pitiful. He just can't get his immune system built back up. There are so many sicknesses going around here it stinks! It doesn't help that parents NEVER keep their kids home when they are sick. Therefore, they are spreading germs everywhere. I am so glad that after a 1/2 day on the 20th we are out for several weeks. Maybe all of the sickness will settle. I am just thankful that Todd is ahead academically since he has missed so much school!

Santa

We took Todd to visit Santa today. He is so funny. For many years, he was afraid. He wanted to get the gifts but not see him. I know that is pretty common. He is no longer afraid of him but he is very quiet when he sees him. He prefers to make out a list so Santa can read it instead of telling him. He also thinks that Santa "might need the list in case he forgets. He does see a lot of kids in a day, Mommy". We actually waited in line for an hour. That is a long time for Santa but I guess it's better than being overlooked on Christmas Eve. I can tell you Todd would NEVER wait that long for a great buy on clothes, food, or anything else!

My poor sick child

Okay, it has not been a fun day in our house. Todd continues to be sick. He is throwing up and having major diarrhea This is not a good thing. He has not kept food down or liquid. We had to rush him to the Dr. today because he was so weak he was tripping. In his words, "My legs are jiggly because my body is tired". That come after sleeping all morning. They had to test to make sure his kidney's weren't failing. That turned out fine. They did blood work to see if it was viral or bacterial. It was all still up in the air. In the meantime, we have to take him back at 11:oo tomorrow if he continues to be sick tonight, which he has already. They will look at IV if he doesn't improve. Oh, I forgot to add that Brad and I are also sick. I just about passed out in the Dr. office. I hate stomach viruses!!

Sick, Sick, Sick

This pretty much describes my child lately. I do not know what the deal is. He only missed 2 days of pre-school last year, he has already missed 5 1/2 this year and has to miss tomorrow, also. He has had strep (2 days), an ear infection (1 day), fever from flu shot (1/2 day), and now the unidentifiable illness (3 days after tomorrow). I took him to the Dr and thought he had strep again since it is going around. The quick test says negative. He has been running a fever over 100 degrees. Now he has stomach issues so I think it is the stomach virus that is going around. I can't wait until break so that his immune system can have a break. Sickness is much more complicated when both parents work!

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

We had a nice Thanksgiving. We went to my parents house. It was a pretty laid back day of eating and watching football.

I love black Friday. I enjoy the rush of getting up early and hunting for a bargain. I woke up at 4:15 to go make the trek this year. I went to Toys R Us first. I had timed it where I did not have to wait in the cold too long. That was a successful endeavor. I also got a great purchase for Brad. I will not elaborate because he reads this sometimes. I also managed to get several things completed. I am actually just about done. I love this time of year. I love the thought of picking out things that I think they will like. I enjoy wrapping presents, which I did last night, I love Christmas lights, but I enjoy the focus on our Savior the most. I am so glad the Church of Christ has finally embraced this focus during the holiday season. I know for much of my life Jesus was not spoken of during Christmas time. I am glad that we can sit and discuss His sacrifice He gave for us. That brings a true happiness to my life that no gift can provide.

What is your favorite holiday and why?

What a Weekend!

We had quite a weekend. My brother got extra Alabama tickets for Saturday's game. We decided to go and take Todd to his 1st game. I was me, Brad, Todd, my nephew, my brother, and my dad. We did not stay for the whole game partly because they were losing to a sub-par team. It was a fun game, despite the loss. While we were that close, we decided last minute (Friday afternoon) to drive on over to Montgomery after the game. We arrived in Montgomery at 6:30 Saturday night. We grabbed a bite to eat and went to my aunt and uncle's house. We had a great visit. We got to the hotel at 11:30 and were up Sunday before 7:00 thanks to our 5 year old alarm clock. We decided to go to Landmark. After church we went back to my aunt and uncle's house before leaving. We did not leave Montgomery until 5:00 which had us arriving in Nashville at 10:30pm.

Here are all of my random thoughts regarding this trip:
1). What were we thinking? We are still exhausted. Thankfully I am out of work the rest of the week and Brad only has to work tomorrow.
2). I got to briefly visit with some old friends. That is always fun. I also got to meet their children and they got to meet mine.
3). This was my 1st time back to Montgomery. That city played a big part in my life. It was odd going back after 10 years. The last time I stepped foot in that place was my wedding day! What great and special memories that building will hold for me.
4). Montgomery has expanded but some parts look identical to the scenery 10 years ago.
5). Although Montgomery was a good place for me growing up, I prefer TN. That is home for me.
6). I was glad to see that people still recognized me. I guess 10 years hasn't changed me too much!
7). It is always good to reflect on our past, but not live in it. I am so happy in my life now, I would not want to go back to high school. I miss my friendships but not the experiences!

Todd and the job

Many of you have asked, yes Todd is much better. His eyes were pitiful for a day and a half but are back to normal. He has been back to school and is doing well.

Others have also asked about my job. It is going well. I am in a self-contained special education class with 5 students. They are all young. I am loving it. After my time as a sub, I realized how much I love special education. I love the smaller number of kids so that I can really know them. I love being able to paint and it not take ALL day. I love being able to buy cotton candy and Capri Suns and not cost $50. ( Can you tell what letter we are working on this week?) I enjoy the small victories that these kids have. I just love the underdog! It has been a big transition and a lot of time up front. The class was very messy and there was no real curriculum. However, that is getting fixed and we are doing well with out new schedule. Guess that's all for now.

Sick

After one week of work, Todd is sick and I will have to miss work. For most people that is not a big deal and they like it. For me, I spent 2 1/2 hours today writing out lesson plans and schedules so that someone can fill in. Luckily, I do have an assistant who should be there. Still, you have to plan as though she isn't. It takes forever.

I had to take Todd today to the Dr. At first I thought he had pink eye. Last night, his eyes were running a stream of greenish yellow junk out of his eyes. He could not open his eyes this morning. The doctor looked in his ear and asked Todd if his ear had been hurting. Todd said no to which the doctor said he had a really high tolerance of pain. Evidently, he has had an ear infection for a while and it has backed up into his tear ducts. He looks pitiful, though he feels fine. However, I am keeping him home until we get 24 hours of antibiotic in him. The only good part is that my house will get cleaned tomorrow!

Investation

We had a real problem a week ago. I walked into my living room and there sat a brown rat. How disgusting is that. For several day we were unable to get rid of it. I finally got a picture of it and realized it was too cute to get rid of.

So here is what Todd decided to be for Halloween. He is the brother rat from Disney's Ratatouille. He was so cute in this costume. I loved the stuffing to make him look fat. I was glad he had all of that stuffing because it was cold. We had a lot of fun for Halloween. My parents had a party the Saturday before and he spent the night. Sunday night was Trunk Or Treat at church. Then, Wed. night, we went to a neighborhood and did a few houses before church. A teen really scared him so he got done pretty early. Todd is funny anyway because he does all of the work of going door-to-door but never ask for the candy. That is left for us and it does not fit into weight watchers!

Britt Nicole | Don't Worry Now

I heard this song on my way to work today. I thought it was beautiful! I am blessed to still have my dad. He is such a rock for me and an important part of my life. I cried as I heard this song thinking about people I know that have lost their father. I also can understand the thoughts of trying to figure out love during trying times. I feel that this song sings of our heavenly Father. He had to leave this earth for our sins ebenthough those around Him were not ready. He wants us to realize what love really is and He is always telling us it will be OK.

Deep thoughts by Todd

O.k. I have to say that I knew that deep questions about our faith and God would come; however, I did not think 5 would be that magical age. I understand my faith on an adult level, but was not prepared to explain some deep ideas to a 5 year old. I had not spent great time seeking for God's wisdom in this area yet! Here is a conversation that occurred between me and Todd yesterday. This all happened in under 10 minutes.

Todd: Mommy, how does God hold up the sun and not burn his hand?
Me: Well, he does not hold it in his hand. He placed it there and it stays.
T: How did he do that?
M: Well, He is God and can do many things that we can't do.
T: Well, I've wondered how he can make something out of nothing. Why can't I do that?
M: Yeah, he did make the sun out of nothing, but we can't because He is God and he can do things we can't do.
T: So, he made the whole world the same way?
M: Yes, that's right.
T: Is God a boy?
M: What do you think?
T: Yes, he is a boy.
M: That's right.
T: What about that other thing?
M: (I knew he meant the Holy Spirit.) I think you mean Jesus.
T: Um, I think...
M: No, you mean Jesus. (I did not want to get into the Holy Spirit any more than we already have. I knew they idea of a spirit living in us would scare him).
T: Yeah, I guess.
M: Yeah, He is a boy.
T: How can God live in us and in Heaven?
M: (I am thinking can we take any longer to get to Grandma's house. How long will these questions go?) Well, His body doesn't really live in our body. His body is in Heaven but he lives in our heart.
T: What do you mean He lives in our heart?
M: Well, we know he is there in our heart because we can feel Him. We know he loves us and we can feel His love in our heart.
T: Oh, yeah I can feel that.
M: Good, it feels nice doesn't it?
T: Yeah. Hey, what can we do that God can do?
M: Nothing, really because no one is like Him. He is so special. That is why we want to always love Him and obey Him because He does things we can't.
T: Yeah, like heal sick people. If we pray to someone else, they can't heal me, but God can.
M: Yep, your right. Well, look Todd, we just pulled up to Grandma and Grandpa's. (Thank goodness. I need to pray for wisdom on answering a 5 year old's questions on the Holy Spirit)

There you have it. I was in awe of his knowledge and curiosity. Perhaps we should all be that hungry for the understanding of our Lord. It was another realization of the important job we have as parents to help our children develop their on faith and belief in God. I guess I will be ready next time!

In the past

I was tagged by my friend, Jeni. I am supposed to write what I was doing 10, 20, and 30 years ago. So here we go:

10 years ago: I was married to Brad even though I was only 21. We had been married 4 months. I was in my junior year of school. I was deep in my major of elementary education. Brad was working many hours at Footlocker counting down the days until I graduated and he could get a job in his actual major. He was determined that I would be able to graduate from Harding.


20 years ago: I would have just turned 11 years old. I was in 4th grade. I was living in Flower Mound, Texas. I was in Mrs. Tweedy's class. She was one of my favorite teachers ever. I was in a class with a lot of special education children. I guess I was already in training for my future job. Those kids would listen to me when they wouldn't listen to the teacher.


30 years ago: I had just turned one. I was really cute. I was good since I had not hit my terrible 2's. I was a happy little baby.

What

I just realized that I must have been really tired last night when I wrote that blog. There were misspelled words and mis-typed word like crazy. I am really not that dumb.

The Touch

I have been doing a study called "Fingerprints of God" by Jennifer Rothschild. I actually started it a long time ago and had quit because of VBS. It got misplaced and I uncovered it last week. It is a really good daily study. It is not a long daily study, but it has some good thoughts. The premise is that we are made uniquely by God and he desires us to know Him like He knows us. On Monday, the session was about the woman at the well in John 4:3-10. The author was saying that not all of us get to see God through a burning bush or a talking donkey but that God reveals Himself to each of us individually. Rothschild went on to say that "Sometimes our plans and longings get in the way and they only serve to blur our view, keeping us from recognizing God's presence in our most ordinary moments". Wow! That is so true for me in my life. That was a comment that hit home to me. However, the most amazing thing was what was suggested to do at the end of that day's study. The author suggest praying to God and asking Him to reveal Himself to me in the next 3 days as He touches me in my ordinary life. I have prayed to feel God's presence before but never in a time frame like this. Let me just tell you, that was an amazing time in prayer for me. I truly felt connected and I prayed an earnest prayer. I am sure with a specific time frame I was more in tune to His leading. It was yesterday that God revealed Himself to me. It was in the form of a touch from a child. It was so evident that this child, though by earthly standards was lost, was a subtle reminder of my Lord and His plan for me. As of November, I will now be a full time teacher in a class that is a true calling. It is one that the scenario is awkward and the situations difficult, but one that I will embrace. It is one that God has called me to and it was all because I was ready for Him to truly lead my life. I would like to challenge each of you to ask God to reveal Himself, but be prepared, it might make you step out of your comfort zone, but if you truly believe in Him, it will seem like a much easier decision.

Memories

One of my good friends birthday is on October 15th. So, in honor of her, I dug up so old photos of the good days of high school. Many of my friends have blogs, facebook, or myspace accounts. I am so glad because it allows me to keep in touch. The girls in these pictures were what helped me to develop into who I am today! Thanks girls. I miss your friendships and the good days of laughing and being immature. Now we are responsible moms. Crazy stuff! For those of you that know me now, I had a perm in some of these years. What was I thinking?

This is a group of us at Winterfest either our soph. or Jr. year. I chose this one because the couple on the left are married with 3 children. We always knew they would stay together! He was also a good friend of mine.

This is us in our Sr. year. We were all in chorus and this was our terrible dresses! This was all of my good female friends!
Again, this is our Sr. year. We were on a chorus trip and had decided to play on the McDonald's playground. I am on the far left.

This is a us at our Jr./Sr. formal.

Thanks for the memories Rebecca, Erika, and Kristin. It was a lot of fun.

Cinderella Days

I have not seen this movie in a while. However, today I gained more respect for Cinderella. I scrubbed my kitchen/eat-in area floors with a small brush. You might wonder why. Well, when we bought our house 3 years ago, we picked out a flooring that was durable, cheaper, and would help disguise dirt. What we didn't think about was the fact that this flooring was VERY porous. Of course it hides dirt well because it seeps into the pores and make the entire floor look nasty. So, after putting this off long enough, I got down on my knees and for about 5 hours I scrubbed. My hands are about to fall off but the floor looks so much cleaner. Now, I have mopped it consistently but it just did not get all of the dirt out of the pores. So, I decided to post a picture that shows the difference between the cleaned floor and the dirty floor. Just remember, I really do keep them mopped, just not scrubbed. The clean floor is on the right and the dirty floor is on the left. Notice how much lighter they are when they are cleaned. You can see the dirt in the pores. GROSS!

Now some of you might wonder what Todd was doing during my cleaning. Well, I have included a few pictures to show what he did while I was being Cinderella.

He also played Scooby Doo with me,

He played cars, he played trains, and he played with the McDonald's food. Oh, and he watched Scooby Doo, too. Come to thank of it, no wonder he had to rest!



Luckily, my Cinderella days are few and far between. Tomorrow we are off to a pumpkin patch. Perhaps my carriage will be waiting!

Tagged

Okay, Kristin, a very dear friend of mine from high school, has tagged me about my man. Here we go:

1. Who is my man? Brad
2. How long have we been together? We have been married 10 years
3. How long did we date? We dated 1 years and were engaged 1year .
4. How old is he? 34
5. Who eats more? He does.
6. Who said "I love you" first? He did.
7. Who is taller? He is.
8. Who sings better? I do.
9. Who is smarter? I really do not know. We are probably have about the same IQ.
10. Who has more of a temper? Mine. He is very laid-back!
11. Who does the laundry? I do most of the time. He will do it if I am busy!
12. Who takes out the trash? He does.
13. Who has sharper computer skills? He does.
14. Who sleeps on the right side? He does.
15. Who pays bills? I do.
16. Who mows the lawn? He does usually. When he was traveling to Chicago, I did.
17. Who cooks? I do however not as much as I should.
18. Who drives when we are together? He does.
19. Who pays when we are out together? He does.
20. Who is more stubborn? Does Todd count? If not, me.
21. Who is first to admit it when they are wrong? Brad
22. Who asked out who? Brad asked me. Funny story. I will have to post that sometime.
23. Who kissed who first? Brad kissed me first.
24. Who is more sensitive? Me by far.
25. Who has more friends? We are about the same. Most of our friends are at church.
26. Who has more siblings? He does. He has 2 half brothers. I have one brother.
27. Who wears the pants? He does but we discuss things. I guess we sort-of share but he is our spiritual leader!
Now, I will tag the three people: Tracy, Becky, and Jeni.

Be Still

I was called to study the passage in Psalm 37:7 the other night. I had prayed that I would be lea to the scripture that I needed to study. This is what I read.

Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him. Don't bother with those who climb the ladder, who elbow their way to the top.

Now the second part was not too impacting. However, the words that really drew me in was "Quiet down" or "Be still". Then I was drawn to Psalm 46:10. This passage is one I have read a million times, but I really read it and thought on it this time.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.

It was then that I was lead to a common story. A lesson that I have taught in children's classes and one that I have heard many lessons on in my lifetime. However, it spoke to me in a deeper way than I can even put into words. It was the scripture in Mark 4:38-40.

38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
39He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

After reading this, I felt a feeling like I had not felt in quite some time. A feeling of comfort and peace. I could feel myself saying to God, "Lord, why me. Don't you care. I feel like I am drowning in life and do you just sit and watch?" It was then that I heard my Lord whisper to me, "Carrie, be still and be calm. Why are you afraid. Do you still have no faith?" Wow. I was opened to my true self. Why do I question. Why do I wonder if He is present. The same God that watches over me was willing to give His only son for me. Of course he cares! Of course he is there waiting for me.

I realized I have been running. I have been busy so that I do not have to deal with the hurt I have faced. I have been fearful of what trial I would endure next. Sad to say, my prayers have been guarded. Sure I have prayed faithfully but not openly. I have been awaken by the words of these scriptures. I have been told to be still. That is hard. I will leave with these words from a song that allowed me to make it through the loss of our precious baby girl. I sang this song many times with tears flowing from my eyes. I suppose it will always have a big place in my heart. I wished I was an artist. I would draw a picture of my Lord with a hand holding numerous tears. In each tear, would be words or names of things that I have cried over. Some are so insignificant. Others shook my faith but did not keep me down. This is a part of the song by Casting Crowns, " Praise You in this Storm".

And I'll praise you in this storm and i will lift my hands that you are who you are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried you hold in your hand you never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm

Update

Well, it has been a while since I have posted anything. Several of you have asked how things are going. Well, Brad had been offered a position a week ago but it was back in mortgage and was full commission. UGH! We had decided that he would wait until yesterday and if he did not have any other option, he would take that job. I really did not want him to have to work in a job he hated. Work is bad enough but if you HATE it, it is worse. However, on Friday, he received a call from his old boss saying he was trying to get him on with him. It would be doing what he loved (project manager coordinator) and it would be in town! So, yesterday Brad received an offer to work as an outsource for HCA a huge medical company here in town. He is so relieved and so am I! God is good you just have to sit back and wait for His timing. Also, I have been offered a full time position at the school where I have been subbing. We are on a 2 week Fall Break. I will make that decision when we return to school. I do not know enough about the position. I do know it is a self-contained special education class. I do not know the severity or the conditions. I will have to talk to the teacher. So, that is what is going on in our household. We are busy but are blessed to see God's work in our lives. Thanks for all of your prayers. This has been a difficult time for us. I am looking forward to some stability and sanity again! I pray that we can have a little breather before we are under trials again.