Prayers

Yet again, I have another issue with this pregnancy. I got a note in the mail from Todd's pediatrician saying that when he was in for his well visit someone treated him that was contagious with whooping cough. He is up to date on his shots, so he should be okay. I haven't had that shot in years. I had to go today and get the blood drawn (16th tube this pregnancy)to see if it is positive. They have not even told me what they will do if I have it. The scary thing is that I had to take medicine for coughing since then. Please keep me and baby Jackson in your prayers. It will be several days before I hear anything. I will keep you up to date!

In Your Eyes

I have always felt like every person has been given special talents that should be used for God's Kingdom. I know that for some people these talents are easier discovered than for others. I, however, have seen this in a different way lately. I have been drawn to the thought that God gives us "different eyes" that allow us to see different people in different ways. I feel like as a church, when we use those eyes, there would be no one left out or excluded. I think that we could not have enough room in any building to seat all of those that we could reach.

Brad and I have spent some time discussing what "eyes" we were given. I have no doubt that Brad was given the eyes for teens. Not only does he do well with teens, he does well with teens that struggle or whose parents do not attend church. He can convince many teens to come to things that do not do anything. He can build relationships with them quickly.

My "eyes" are 2 fold. I have a talent with children with disabilities. Unfortunately, I have never been in a church where this has been used. I have reached many people through my jobs with this gift. My other view is teens. I love their minds. I love that they are trying to find their own faith and are not afraid to be honest when they don't get something.

Here is the thing that frustrates me about all of this... I think even though we are given different eyes, we are still from the same Father and should have the same mindset. I may not have eyes for foreign missions, but I still appreciate that mission and support it because it is someone's passion. It seems that many times, we get wrapped up in our vision that we forget to support others vision. After all, isn't that the purpose of church?

So, what are your talents that you feel that God gave you? Do you think that it is easy for you to use this talent in a church setting?

Double personality

Okay, I wrote about Todd's fits lately. It is driving me crazy. He was good tonight but the 2 nights before were terrible. The thing that makes me frustrated is that the arguments do not even matter. Last night was one of those nights. I was so angry that after Brad got home I left to take a minute before I lost my cool. He actually managed to lose going to see Clone Wars this weekend, lost his Wii for more days, and can not go spend the night with friends Friday night all over a stupid issue.

Anyway, after he has acted this way, I go to meet him for lunch today. Since I use to teach there, our meal gets interrupted many times by teachers. I was talking to my assistant from last year when Todd's teacher came to get them from lunch. She asked how I was feeling and then told me something that just about made me fall over laughing. She said, "He is so sweet. He is the sweetest thing. I ask him to do something and he does it with a smile. I just love him." I wanted to say, "You do know that Todd is my child, right?" It cracked me up. I guess he is taking after me. I could be throwing a huge fit and turn it off just like that. My teachers always said the same about me. Now I know why that drove my mom crazy. I would rather him act that way with us and not at school. I guess he uses all of his energy to be good at school and has to get it out of his system!

Perfect Day

Today has been such a beautiful day! It has been sunny and 84 for the high. It is this weather that makes me get ready for fall and my favorite sport: football! I have such fond memories from this time of year. This year will be no different. Jackson will be born before we know it. I am less than 9 weeks from the latest he will be born. It is such an exciting time of year!

Today has been one of those mornings. It has been a time of pregnancy raging emotions. It all started when Todd got up not wanting to go to school. One thing about Todd, he is very smart and is at the top of his class, but he HATES school. He is often bored and it does not work well with his love of moving and exploring. He often does not want to go to school, but today was hard for me. Last year when I taught at school with him, we had a set routine. We would walk in together and at one particular spot, we would hug and share our "have a good days" and then he would head for the gym and I would go into the teacher's lounge to do all of the morning teacher business. Now, I pull up to a door, get a hug from the backseat and drive off. It seems so cold and lonely for us both. Today, as I pulled away, he mouthed "I will see you later" with his smile on his face. I just wanted to stop grab him and take him back home. I knew he was walking in to a place that he was dreading. I did not want him to have to dread his day. I know that he has to go and that he will have a good day, it is just hard when they do not want to go. I know he will have to encounter many things he does not want to do, but must do them. Anyway, I guess pregnancy hormones have taken over today, because I have cried today over stupid things. Oh well, I am going to surprise Todd and meet him for lunch. Perhaps that will help us both!

No, Not that

For those of my readers that are parents.. Have you ever seen a characteristic in your child that is so much like you and you wished you could change it? I had a night like that tonight. Let me explain!

As a young child, I had a TERRIBLE temper. I would hit my head on the floor in anger and tear up my favorite toys. I was awful. My mom worked with me and never gave up. I claim that I would have been labeled emotionally disturbed or behavior disordered if it weren't for her. Sad to admit, but I still have some temper that I have to work CONSTANTLY on to keep it under control. So, tonight when I saw a HUGE temper out of Todd I wanted to scream. I wanted to beat it out of him so that he would not have the struggles I have had and still have to work on daily. As I took away the WII (his favorite thing ever) and then watched him nearly lose his chance to see Clone Wars (something he has talked about since April), I wanted to help him to see the way I see it now. Unfortunately, he can't yet. I wanted him to see how this entire fit was useless and would not end with him "winning" He would only lose things and still do it my way. Yet, it took many things being removed before he got the picture. As I came into our room, I told Brad, "I thought we were done with this phase from his terrible 2's". Unfortunately, he has to learn how to make a mistake and move on. He and I tend to get so mad at ourselves when we mess up that we make more bad decisions. I just hope that I can help him see this like my mom did for me.

Parenting is so tiring and scary! I know tonight I will say an extra prayer for wisdom for all of us. I think we could all benefit from more prayers for each other!

The Fall

As I have stated before in previous blogs, this pregnancy has been very different from the first. I have had complications, stresses, and concerns that I did not have before. Saturday night was no different. I was tired and had just put Todd to bed. We have been going to bed later than usual so I was very tired. I went to walk into our living room and fell flat on my stomach after tripping over a mop handle that was laying in the floor from where we had been cleaning earlier. I tried to catch myself but still hit my stomach. After a few minutes of being mad at myself and referring to my What To Expect book, I decided to call the Dr. I thought they would say, "NO blood, no big deal" but instead it was, "go to the Er and get hooked up to the monitors just in case". We got Todd out of bed and drove to the ER, where my parents met us and took Todd home. After 3 hours of monitoring, a urine sample, 5 tubes of blood, and the sounds of a screaming woman giving birth, we were discharged. We were out of the Er at 1:30 am. I was put on "bed rest" on Sunday as a precaution. I did not follow it too well because Todd's meet the teacher was that afternoon and so I wanted to meet her. I guess all of that will be another blog entry!

one really sad part to the whole story was Todd's reaction to the fall. He had heard me fall and came rushing from his room. He wanted to know if I was OK and then he asked what I had fallen on. We told him the handle and he went right back to bed with no other comments or questions. When he woke up in the hospital room, Brad was going to explain where we were and he said he knew it was because of the fall. He came to the bedside and said in the sweetest, most loving voice, "I am sorry mommy. I laid that mop down. I hope you are OK". I was so glad that the end result was good because I am not sure how he would have handled it all.


Anyway, I am fine and so is the baby. It was just another story to add to this pregnancy. Needless to say, I will be glad when October 15th arrives!!!

One of those days

We all had those days. The kind that you wished you had never even started and was excited that it was finally over. Monday was one of those days. Todd was going to stay with my mom and dad for a few days with my nephews so that they could all go to VBS at my parent's church. I had a few errands to run before getting over there. I agreed to stay and help get them to VBS since my mom can only carry 2 in her car. I was really tired that day because I had not slept well. That made for a negative start. During the day, things went fine. We were busy, but everyone was fine. I took Todd to VBS and went to Walmart while he was there. My mom was there so I did not need to worry about leaving him. I went and took him back home and helped get them situated for the night. It was then that things went downhill FAST. On my way home, Brad tells me that the addition we had already signed paperwork on, might not happen because of easement issues. I was FURIOUS. We had already ripped out a deck, signed construction loan papers and had part of a fence removed and we might not get to get our nice playroom! Brad and I were discussing this. We decided to go outside and see if we could find our property marker and see what we thought. As I walked out the door, Brad comes behind me and shuts the door. Sudden;y I hear him say, "Oh, no, the door is locked. We can't get back in". My response was, "Are you kidding me?!" Oh, I forgot to say that it is 11:00 at night. I had not eaten dinner and I already had a headache from the stress of the issues before. I immediately went to the back door, locked of course. Great. We had no phone on us, no way to get in, and everyone around us was asleep. Brad began to walk down the street to the nearest gas station. He took money to call my parents (who live 20 minutes away). My mom answered and my dad came to the rescue. By the time this was all done, it was almost midnight. I was so tired, mad, and exhausted. I am glad I did not have a Dr. appointment to check blood pressure, I am sure I would have been rushed to the ER with an injection to settle it. Anyway, after all of that, I went yesterday to get a key to hide. Our doors can be opened form the inside and are locked. I am really surprised we have not had more issues like that. And, our room issues were solved and my new addition is in the process. We just have to hope that it is finished before Jackson arrives!!

Oh the Joys

Since school begins August 1st, the class lists were posted today. I thought that teaching at the same school Todd went to would be a big advantage. Boy, was I wrong. As I looked over the list, I found my stomach turning. I would think to myself, "Oh, no, not that kid". I literally told Brad there was one kid I did not want to be in his class. Of course, there was that kid's name on the list. I told Brad and I will hold my tongue, but I do know all of the background to this student and will not put up with behaviors like last year. Todd was very good last year. He was in trouble 2 times, which is very good. However, he will have a lot of transition this year and has potential to get wrapped up into trouble. He is all boy. I do know this, I prayed that he would get who he needs for this year, even if I do not know that person. He got a new teacher. She has taught before and comes from a strong christian family. Let's just hope she has GREAT classroom management! I guess I will try to put aside my thoughts and go with an open mind. Oh, I only thought knowing everyone was good!

The Baby Borrowers

I had seen this show advertised but was at church each week when it was showing. Brad and Todd left today to go visit his dad at the beach for a few days so I had plenty of time tonight. I realized this show was on tonight in marathon form. I watched it and laughed so hard. The show is about teens that think they are ready to get married and have children. They set them up with babies under 1 first and then toddlers. It was so funny to watch them. They had each age for 3 days and nights. Some did very well but realized they were not ready. Others, could not communicate with each other at all.

Brad and I got married young. We chose to wait for 5 years before having kids. I think that was so wise of us. We were able to develop our relationship before bringing a baby into the relationship. As I watched this show, it made me realize a few things
1). I am glad I was older when Todd was born
2). I am so glad that Brad and I can communicate so well with each other.
3). Children are priceless but are a lot of work.
4). relationships are a lot of work.
5). I cannot imagine my life without the support of Brad and family.

This also made me wonder.. what do you think has been the hardest stage you have had to handle your child/children? Is it the first month of their life, terrible 2's, terrible 3's, etc. I am interested to see what you have to say. And for those of you with more than one child.. was it different with each child?

Happy Birthday, Todd!!

It is hard to believe that it has been six years since God blessed us with such a sweet boy. As I look at these pictures of him as a baby, I am saddened at how fast time has flown by but I am so proud of who he is thus far. I could not ask for a child that could bring anymore joy to our lives than Todd has brought. He is my entertainment every day. As I look at his face, I am reminded of those spit-up drenched clothes, those smiles that still melt my heart, of those tantrums at two, the first time he told me he loved me, the first day of pre-school, and the first day at school. But most importantly I see a precious soul that God has granted Brad and I. When I look at him. I see the true meaning of the lyrics of the song Every Time.

Every time
Words and Music: Philip Organ © 1994 Philip Organ Lyrics:
Everytime I kneel to pray I open up my heart to my Lord
Everytime I close my eyes I feel the sweet embrace of my Lord

Chorus 1:I don't know why so many things seem to get in the way of seeing my God's glory
But I try everyday to see and thank Him for all the things He's given me

Everytime I see a child I see the gentleness of my Lord
Everytime I watch a storm I know the awesome power of my Lord

Chorus 2:I don't know why so many things seem to get in the way of seeing my God's glory
But I try everyday to see and thank Him for all the things He's given me

Everytime I see a cross!

Happy Birthday, Buddy!

PS I Love You

Brad and I watched this movie tonight. I will not tell too much about it but at deals with coping with death of a spouse. Thankfully, I have never had to endure this. However, I cried like a baby during parts of this movie.

As most of you know, almost a year ago we were expecting a baby. We ended up losing this baby at 8 weeks. We had genetic testing and found out that it was a girl. We named her Faith. As I watched this movie, I thought about the lose of this baby. I will never know what she looked like or who she acted like. I will also never have a little girl in a physical sense (We are done after Jackson). All of that is sad to me, however, as Jackson was kicking non-stop, it made me realize he would not have been here if Faith had been here. I do not know what the Lord has in store for our family. I do not know what Jackson will be like or who he will look like, but I do know that God has a plan for him. He needed Jackson on this Earth. So, though my heart still hurts with our loss, it leaps for joy at the thought of my baby boy, Jackson! I can't wait to see what God has in store for him!

Baby Update

Today we had our follow-up ultrasound since they could not get all of the views at the 20th week. I was nervous still because of the 2 vessel cord that I mentioned. Today, after much poking, we were able to get all of the views except the profile possibly. She got a picture of the profile, but was not sure if the Dr. would think it was good enough. All of the anatomy was NORMAL!! We are very excited. Today showed that he is 24 plus weeks. This is a week ahead of what we have said. That makes the estimated due date my birthday! He is already 1 lb 8 oz. He is not a small boy.



By the way, I have had some ask if we have a name. Yes, we do. He will be named Jackson Ray. These are both family names. We will call him Jackson, not Jack!



On a side note, have you ever felt that God places situations in front of us to make us rely on him? That is the way I have felt this entire time with this pregnancy. First of all, we were able to get pregnant after many years and a miscarriage. Then, I was so worried that we would lose this baby. Each of the first few visits, they were unable to locate heartbeats so I had to have ultrasounds. After all of that, they told me about the cord issues. Each visit I have had has required me to wait to get answers. Some visits is is minutes others it is days.

I guess these experiences are forcing me to trust. Trust God and no one else. It is also teaching me patience. I have always considered myself patient. I guess this just proves you can always better yourself. In the scheme of a christian walk with Him I guess trust and patience would rant high with Him.

Complaint

I have to say that I hate a modified year around school schedule. I did not like it as a teacher and I hate it as a parent. We got out of school on May 30th. Todd will be back in class on August 1st. That is not enough summer break. It seems like they just get started and it is over. Between VBS, vacation to Brad's dad's house, birthday party, Brad's mom visiting, and Forth of July, there is no extra time. Anyway, I guess I will have to deal with it or home school, which will not happen. Does everyone else have such a short summer?

VBS

Okay, this time last year I was heading up our VBS. I organized everything from registration and advertising to crafts and skits. I loved the imagination part of it and since I wasn't working I had time to bargain shop. This year, I refused to head it up. However, I got roped into crafts again. Since I was trying to finish up my school work, I ignored it for a while. The church-wide VBS is this Saturday and we are doing a small VBS for some girls on Friday. I have good memories of VBS. I really had fun with it in high school. A friend of mine always had extravagant ideas. We would spend countless hours together working on it. Perhaps that is how we became such good friends. However, I think VBS has lost some of its impact. What do you all think. Do you think it is still an effective outreach or in reach? Do you think it may be a time when something else is more effective? I just would like some others feedback.

A weekend alone

Brad and Todd got up early Saturday to take a trip to Six Flags for the day. Since Brad traveled so much last summer, he has tons of hotel points. They decided they would spend the night Saturday night and return home today. Well, I get a call this morning from Todd saying he REALLY wanted to go to Six Flags again today. See, it was so hot yesterday that he spent a lot of the day in the water park. Thus, he did not get to ride all of the rides. Since he is so tall, he can ride things that go upside down and backwards. I told Brad to go to the store and get a Lunchables because they had a free child's ticket. He went and purchased the last box they had. So, Todd and Brad are spending all day today at Six Flags and will return home tonight. My house has been so quiet I do not even know what to do. Yesterday, my mom and dad came and painted the nursery Aloe Vera green. I love the color. I figure we will do something besides blue while we can. I will have to take a picture of the nursery when we are done. It will be several weeks, though. We are going to lay wood flooring before we move everything back in the room.

Laminin

I was able to hear this lesson live at a Chris Tomlin concert. I was reminded of it this week. This is by a guy named Louie Giglio. He does a lot of teen talks. I have added the video. It is about 9 min. It is amazing stuff. If you get a chance, watch this!

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=152b5103d741aca61093

It's a ......

BOY!!! Yes, we will have another little boy. We are excited and Todd is saying he will look like him. We will have a follow-up ultrasound in 3 weeks. They were not able to get pictures of a few things and will do it again then. We were also told that my cord has only one artery and one vein instead of two arteries. They Dr. said that happens some times. I made a BIG mistake and looked it up on the Internet and made myself nervous. I guess there are some issues with birth defects when this is present. This baby has given us a run for our money already! Please keep us in your prayers. I am sure things are fine because they would have looked at it sooner if it were really bad, but it still makes me nervous. We can't wait to invite this little one in our family!

I was tagged

I was tagged by my friend Tamara to write a six word sentence summarizing my outlook on life. After thinking on this, here is what I decided: Trust in God at all times.



I have endured many challenging circumstances in my life. Many of these times, I questioned God. I felt like I was being punished. Almost all of these times, I saw later that it was a blessing. I will give you a few examples:

• Brad and I losing our job in Oklahoma with a 2 month old baby: At the time, we were very angry. This is a time in my life I was most angry at God. I did not understand. After all, I had to live with my parents for many months. Now, I see it as a HUGE blessing. One, we were able to move closer to my family, which allowed Todd to be very close to my parents. Two, we were able to make a lot more money. Finally and most importantly, in the long run, we developed a much stronger faith in God!


• Brad getting a job in Chicago: This really stunk at the time. He was gone 4 nights a week. When he was home, he was working on next week's stuff and we had to pay major money because he was self-employed. However, it only lasted 4 months and now he is in a field he loves and makes good money. This opportunity totally changed his career path into something he loves.


• Difficulty getting pregnant: This was hard. I doubted myself in this one. I thought that I was unable to have another child because of my inability to parent. Now, I see that it was in His timing. I realize now that Todd was a difficult 2 year old and needed all of my time and energy to discipline.


• Finally, losing a baby after so many years of trying: This was hard for me to even type. I do have to say that because of some of these other events, I did not struggle with this one like I would have thought. Don't get me wrong, I was caught saying things like, "He must love watching me suffer!" I had found peace with it but still hurt until I took my current job. After teaching children with severe disabilities, I realize that God spared me. He gave me the easy way out. He allowed me to not have to suffer over a child with severe problems.

OK, that was long and wordy! Sorry. Thanks, Tamara for having me think on this. I will tag a few people. I tag Tracy, Franklin, Jeni, and Becky.

Yes, I am here

I just realized how long it has been since I posted. If anyone is still reading, I will give some thoughts.

• A terrible stomach virus has been going around and I got it last week and now Todd has it. Luckily, it is fast moving. I almost ended up on IV with it, though. I hate stomach issues!!!


• We will find out the sex of our baby next week (29th). We are really excited!!


• I only have 4 1/2 more days of school and cannot wait!! It is true that teacher's are just as excited, if not more!


• We are looking at adding on an addition to our house. We want a big play room. I will keep you updated.


• Finally, Sunday was Senior Sunday at church. Since Brad is the youth deacon, we are around these kids all of the time. Todd loves it! There are some amazing kids graduating this year that will forever change a church somewhere. They are very spiritual and strong. In class, they were sharing advice to the younger teens. Being that I am pregnant, I fought back tears the entire time. It brought back emotions of my graduation and all of my friends from school. (I love you all dearly!!) I can remember my feelings. So, it brought me to another realization that these kids were Todd's age when I graduated. I am really getting old!!!

So, I thought it would be fun to get your feelings on the day you graduated and what advice you would tell a graduating Senior today. I will share my stuff in a few days!