For Wes- Glory Baby

I was led to this video by a friend from high school. I have a CD of Watermark but I had not heard this song. This really is a beautiful song. One night before we knew for sure we had lost our baby, I was crying and I remember praying and asking God to hold my baby tightly until I can can meet it, if it was to not make it on the earth.

When it rains..

This post could be about the desperate need that we are in for rain. We are now 13" behind and grass fires are everywhere. Our farmers are really struggling.

No, that was not what this was about. It was in response to life these days. First of all, thank you all for the kind words, cards , and flowers. It has been uplifting to receive comments from dear high school friends. I would love to know what is up with all of you! I feel well. Actually better than I had. It seems that the fetus was almost poisoning my body and that is why I had been so sick. Who knew? However, today, we received news that Brad's company had made some changes and he was laid off. Can you believe it? He had not been there long and the hospital changed hands. He was being flown in to Chicago every week. The new CIO decided to cut costs and that was one to be cut. So, here we go again. I told my mom I can't even heal from one episode without another one beginning. I feel like a diamond being beat until I shine. So, continue to pray for my health and now for Brad's job. This is unreal!

So the real thought for the post: when it rains it pours!

Done

Well, I had the D & C done today. I was very worried about it because I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia last time so I was worried this time. It was an easy process. I am feeling well tonight. I have not taken any medicine for pain. I imagine I will take Tylenol tonight but I should be doing well tomorrow. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words! They have made this easier. I should get the results from the genetic testing in a few weeks. I am in awe of the strength that the Lord has given me. It still saddens me but I will move on. Perhaps on March 19Th, I will have to grieve a little more since that was the baby's due date. If we ever endure the chances of getting pregnant, I pray that the outcome is better. My heart aches for those that have endured this more than once. I do not know how they do it!

His Will

There are times in our christian walks where we do not understand how things work. I feel it is these times that we learn our greatest lessons about being a TRUE follower of God. It is so easy to have faith when things are going well. It is usually in these times that we forget to thank Him for all he does. However, it is in the depths that we realize we are lost without Him. It is in the depths that we learn what faith is really about. It is during these times that we realize that we are not put on this Earth for our glory, but for the Lord's glory.

We heard the news we had hoped not to hear today. We had a miscarriage. There was still not a heartbeat and our tiny baby had not grown any. This was difficult to hear and comprehend. Sure, the intellectual part of me knows that this is much easier than having a child with severe disabilities. I have worked with those kids and their life is so hard. I know that it is God's will but it is still the hardest thing I have had to endure. I will never hear this babies cry. I will never get to see their personality shine. I will never hear them laugh. But one thing I know is that that baby is in the best place it could ever be! I look forward to the day we can finally meet it! I know it will be a joyous day for us.

I will have a D & C on Monday. That will finalize this ordeal. We have talked with our insurance and they will pay for the genetic testing to see if there is something we should be aware of for the future. At this point, we do not know what our future plans will be. The pain is too current and the emotions are too involved. Please pray that the procedure goes well and we can move on with our lives, ever grateful for the vibrant young boy we were blessed with 5 years ago!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Roman 8:28

The Storm details

Patience and humility. Those are 2 hard words to grasp for me. I consider myself a pretty patient person but could always improve in that area. Humility is such a big concept that is always changing. The more I study scripture the harder this one is. I think it s much more involved than not boasting. I think it is being totally open and helpless before the Lord. I don't think a truly humble person tries to figure God out. I think they just sit back and know that God is in control and this world is not about me!

Well, as I posted in the last post, we are going through such a storm. As many of you know, Brad and I have tried to have a baby for 3 years. While on vacation, we discovered we were pregnant. It seemed like a dream that I would one day wake up from. I was very cautious at first, but then we began re-arranging our house for this new family member. I went to my Dr. appointment on Thurs. Nothing too odd was mentioned. He wanted me to get an ultrasound to discover exactly how far along I was since we would do a repeat C-Section. He told me to do it within the next 2 weeks. They had an opening that afternoon so I decided to go on and do it. Brad was out of town, but we would have a more in depth one later. After a long process, I was told they could not find a heartbeat. This was devastating news for me. The Dr. said he did not want to make any quick decisions. Therefore, I am to have another ultrasound on Thurs.

Many people have asked what to pray for. Here is how we are praying. Despite how hard it is, we want God's will! If it is within God's will, we want this baby Thurs. to be as healthy as possible!! We KNOW that all things are possible with God's help. However, if it is not God's will, we ask that it be obvious the condition of the baby. We do not want to have to make a difficult decision. I would always doubt my choice. Up to this point, we have had no signs of a problem. If this baby is not to survive, I want that physical sign to be present so I do not have to guess. Please keep us in your prayers. Oh, we had not told Todd that we were expecting. We do not want to have to explain this situation to him. It is hard enough for us to explain it to our self, much less a 5 yr. old who has asked when is God going to give us a baby. I will keep you updated when I can.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds," James 1:2
I am not totally here yet, but am praying to get there!

Praise You In This Storm

Casting Crowns are one of my favorite groups. This song has amazing lyrics! At this time, I am going through a storm and this video expresses all of my emotions very well. Please pray for me. I will post the details later.

Todd's First Day of School

Yesterday, Todd went to school for the first day. They do this crazy system, so he is home today. He went a full day yesterday with only half of the kids. He will start officially tomorrow. I was having a really hard time letting him go to school. I really prayed for strength because if he saw me cry, he would get upset. I told him it was a great thing to go to school. I did really well. I was able to be strong in his presence. As I left, I got very misty-eyed. I still maintained it until I got to the car. It is so hard to believe that it is time for him to go to school. My house seemed so quiet and lonely. I had no one to laugh with or make silly jokes with. I know that this is part of growing up, but I have to say it really stinks! I will miss all of our time together. Sure, my house will be cleaner, but it will be much more lonely. When I picked him up yesterday, he came running to me as fast as his leg would go. He had a good day, but was ready to come home. He told my mom, "It is a really long time from the morning to the afternoon!" All afternoon, he was hugging me and telling me he loved me. I am sure he will do well this year, let's just hope I can, too!

Our vacation

I have been so behind on posts. I have had some comments on my lack of posts. So, I will attempt to catch up. In the middle of July, Todd and I flew to Chicago to spend the weekend with Brad. It was a really good deal on our part. Since he is flying every week, we had 1 free ticket. His company also agreed to pay for our hotel stay since they would not be paying his flying costs that week. He stays in a very expensive hotel, so that was a nice treat. While we were there, we did the Brookfield Zoo, which is 216 acres and is AMAZING! We also did the aquarium. That was not a good as the aquarium in Chattanooga. We were disappointed in that. Then, on Sunday, we went to Six Flags. For those of you that do not know, Brad and I are roller coaster fanatics! We would ride coasters all day every day if possible. We were so thrilled to see that Todd has inherited that love from us! He is tall for his age and could actually ride a lot of rides. He could have ridden on called The Demon that had corkscrews and went upside-down several times. We actually did not let him ride that one. We did not want to scare him to where he would never ride again. We are saving that for 6 years old! Anyway, it was such a fun trip. I look forward to going sometime for an adult only trip. There is so much to do there. I am sure we will go back soon! I have attached a few pictures. Oh, I forgot to tell that we were the Grand Marshalls for the parade at Six Flags. That was good because we got Todd's picture with Scooby Doo. That was one of the main reasons we were going to Six Flags. He loves Scooby Doo. He was supposed to be where you could get your picture taken with him, bit he was not showing up. We managed to sweet-talk our way into being in the parade, which guaranteed our picture with Scooby!

Our new toy

Okay, I have to say that we usually do not buy electronic games for fun. We did on Friday. Todd has been wanting a Wii. That is hard to believe since he is only 5 years old. However, we had put it off. We were in a store and discovered that these games are hard to come by. The guy told us when the shipment was coming in and we went and got one. It is so fun! For those of you that don't know, it is a video game you interact with. I have to admit, I played so much tennis and boxing yesterday, that my elbow is sore. We have had a blast with it. Todd loves it and it is a great way to get out energy when the weather is not appropriate for outside play. Now it will be silly purchases for us for another 10 years. You have to have fun every now and then and do something crazy!

Hard to believe

I know I have been away from blogging in a while. I have been very busy. I hope to catch up in the next few days. We went to Chicago this past weekend and hope to post pictures soon! In the mean time, I cannot believe that Todd starts school on August 1st! That is so fast. I actually purchased his supplies last night. I ask that you pray for him and his teacher. We actually go to church with her. She seems like she would be a great teacher but she will be out on maternity leave this year. That will be some transition to deal with. I am sure he will do well! I will update you on more happenings soon!

Where to begin?

It has been almost 1 month since I updated my blog. There has been so much that I really do not even know where to begin. I guess I will go in chronological order not order of importance. I will report on our VBS. Some of you have asked and here is the run-down. It turned out great!!! We had 92 kids and just over half were visitors. Many of the visitors do not attend church anywhere so it was truly an outreach! The kids had a good time and the church members were able to spend some time socializing with the community parents. We had rented an inflatable slip n dip for the kids to use in an activity and kept it for several hours after VBS. We did not let parents know that the kids would be able to slide after VBS so that they would be there to supervise their own kids and so we could spend some time in a non-threatening environment to get to know them. It was a lot of fun. For future reference kids love the water theme. It attracted swarms of people! We even had a man that had been considering baptism say that his son's excitement lead him to make that decision. Talk about the power of God. Thank you all for your prayers. Brad and I were absolutely exhausted after we were done, but it was during that phase that we were really able to allow Christ to do His work.

VBS

Well, I have very few days until VBS will be here. Brad and I are VBS coordinators this year. WOW, what a job. I decided the curriculum, designed the set and the decorations, decided on the crafts and activities and order all of the supplies, and I wrote all of the scripts. I am EXHAUSTED! When we decided to do this, Brad was not in Chicago all week and I was only keeping a little girl one day a week. Now, Brad is gone and I am keeping here 3 days. I will not give any information about her but, please remember her and her mom in your prayers. The dad has left them and it is a very difficult situation!

Back to VBS, I really enjoy the creative side, but not the leadership side. I am not a leader mentality. Brad tells me I am better than I give myself credit for, but I feel terrible. I feel so bossy. I would much rather be a worker than leader. We are having a water park theme. I think it will be a lot of fun. We did manage to rent a 30' inflatable water slide for the K-6th graders. Please pray that the VBS is a success and that we reach those that need to be reached. Please pray that we have enough supplies and workers. I will give you an update after it is over.

10 Things You May Not Know

Becky wrote this list on her blog and said she would like for other people to do the same. So, Becky, here are 10 things many people may not know about me.

1). I would ride roller coasters for a living if I had a chance.
2). I am afraid of snakes!
3). I love middle school age kids (I've been told I am crazy for this).
4). My husband and my sister-in-law grew up in the same church and knew each other far before they knew us.
5). I have recently lost over 30 lbs and am still losing more!
6). I would love to be a hearing impaired interpreter.
7). I did not go to my senior banquet (christian school and did not have proms) because the guy I was going with was highly intoxicated. I did not want to go alone, so I chose not to go at all. I regret that I did not go alone to this day.
8). I would love to be a college professor some day,
9). I tutored famous country music star's children and went to their homes.
10). I was dating 2 guys at one time when I was a Harding. One was in Alabama and one became my husband. The other guy kept trying to come and visit and I talked him out of it because he had financial difficulties. It was really because I liked Brad much more and I did not want to break-up with the other guy over the phone.

There you have it!

It starts early

We have a friend with a nice above ground pool. Todd and I have gone over there the past 2 Monday's for play group. The kids have gotten in the pool. Todd is very outgoing most of the time but when it comes to water, he is cautious. The first week he had on a life jacket, arm floats, and a ring float around his waist to sit on the steps. No, that was not my suggestion, but he wanted to be safe. This week, I had bought him a life jacket in hopes that he would go out into the water. Well, he literally stayed on the deck the entire time. He threw toys in the pool to the other kids. I tried to convince him to go in but he would not do it. I gave up and went to the screened-in porch to watch. One by one, the kids got out of the pool to move on to something else. Todd was on the steps gathering the toys he had thrown in the water. I went to walk to the other side of the pool to reach things on that side. I looked up and he was half-way around the pool. I did not say a word. I watched as he slowly released his hand from the side of the pool to test and see if he was going to float. All of a sudden, he began kicking his feet and splashing his hands. Finally, he said, "Mommy, look I can swim. You were right!" He was so proud. He wanted to play for a minute more and then he began to try and dive for things on the bottom. We still will need to work on that. After he was done, I asked him why did he wait till everyone was done before he would try. He told me he had to "get brave". He did not know if he could do it. I quickly realized he was afraid of failure. What, he is almost 5 and he already would rather not try than to fail. He missed all of the fun because he was afraid for them to see him not be able to do it. Don't we all do that? I know I do it in all areas of life, even spiritual. I hope that he will feel comfortable enough around his church family and actual family to try things and turn to others when he needs help from drowning.

So Proud

Todd had a soccer game tonight. They are usually Saturday, but they were rained out. Instead of practicetonight, he had a game. It was really hot. He played about 50 minutes out of the 60 minute game. All the other kids were crying and begging to not go in the game, Todd was gladly playing all of their turns. That was not what I was most proud of, though. This league is a christian league. They have weekly memory verses and devos. After each game, they give out stars... best offense, best defense, ect. He got the white star which stands for the most like Christ. He was really wanting the red star (who knows why). I was so proud of him. He was the only player that did not hit, make faces, say unkind words, or cry the whole game. He began to realize that I thought that was important. He was glad to get it but informed me, "I am going to stop all of their balls so I can get the red star (defensive) next time". The ironic thing is he stopped all 3 of their attempts to get a goal, but they were more impressed with his attitude. Oh, well, I he already has the "winning is the only thing" mentallity.

I'm Back

Wow. This half of a month has been so full of ups and downs it is exhausting to think about! God is so good. Why do we ever doubt Him? Why do we question Him? After Brad being laid off, we decided this time around (unlike Ponca City), we were not going to stress and doubt God. We were going to leave this situation in His hands and move on one day at a time. In the Ponca ordeal, we had every emotion toward God ever know except true belief that it would be fine. This time I had a peace that I cannot even explain. I cried the first time Brad told me he had lost his job and that was it. We had money that would last to the end of April and that was it. Not a penny more. At church, the first time they mentioned our situation, we were given a $1000 check by someone. They said they had been in our position and someone did that for them. Wow. That blew us away! That pushed us up to having more time for Brad to find a job. Then, out of the blue, I get an offer to work 40 his a week for what ended up to be 3 1/2 weeks. I was getting paid tutoring money (which is good) to be a secretary, which I am not very good at. I took it and Brad became a "stay at home Dad". I was absolutely exhausted, but this would buy us more time. Then, a week and a half ago, Brad was asked by someone at church about project management. Brad had done some of this but not in an official magnitude. He has always wanted to do it, though. He was asked to go to an interview in Chicago for this company. This past Monday. As of Monday at 2:00 pm, he is employed and getting paid almost double what he was getting paid! He is out of finance and into project management and the health care industry: 2 things he has dreamed of doing for quite some time! The only negative is he will travel to Chicago Monday mornings and return Thursday evenings every week. That will be an adjustment but it is really no different that his job before this last one where he worked 70 hour weeks a lot. Anyway, I know this was a long, choppy post, but I wanted to share the greatness of our Lord with you all. God does provide and is is faithful. Brad, Todd, and I are very blessed and this is just another example of the power of our God!

Busy

It has been forever since I left a message. I have been working more than 40 hours a week and Brad's dad came in town. I will have a lot to post when I have more time. In the meantime, please keep praying that Brad will find a job. He is still searching.

God works in mysterious ways..

This week has been a real adventure. Our paycheck was suppose to go in the bank on Friday but it didn't. We did not get it until Monday. We almost bounced a check due to this issue. Also, we were at church discussing our employment issues when a man brought us a $1000 check. Can you believe it? Then, today, out of the blue I got a phone call for a job working 40 hrs a week for 3 weeks on a special project. I will make enough money to pay bills for 2 more weeks. That should get us through half of May. We know God has a plan for us we are just taking it day by day. Please pray that these next 3 weeks goes well. Brad will play Mr. Mom and Todd had to adjust to this concept in a matter of hours. Please continue to pray for Brad's job search. He is under a lot of pressure and his dad is coming in town next week. He does not do much supporting of Brad just criticizing. Anyway, this was a lot of various information. Just keep us in your prayers. We have a totally different mind set this time that when we lost our job in OK. It is some easier, but it's never an easy road.

It's a Journey

James 1:2-7
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Boy, This is hard. It is hard to take anytime, especially during adversities. Brad found out today that his company laid off 3200 people and his region was one that was let go. It is really hard to look at that as "pure joy". As many of you know, we have had our fair share of adversities in the financial/job category. We have been very blessed with health, however. And we praise GOD for that! When I read this scripture for encouragement, I found something that really jumped out at me. It was verse 6. The message says:

People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

Worry your prayers..keeping your options open... that is an interesting thought to me. I tend to worry alot. I am sure that is, in large part, a faith issue. However, I claim I like to be prepared. But, prepared for what? What can you really prepare for? Today was a showing that you can't prepare for anything. Could I have save more money, yea, especially if I weren't giving it to church and VBS. Could I have gone to work this year and made more money, sure, if I would have given up this precious time with Todd. Could I, Could I, Could I.. yes, but the truth is in the following verses:

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
In the end, this is all that matters. I love the song "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick. So we will stand in the rain and God has promised we want drown.

Lord, we turn to you and know that you will protect us and care for us. It may not be the way we would like, but if it's your will, be done. Just save Todd's innocence in it all! Amen.

Music Tag

OK, I was tagged by Erika. I am supposed to list 7 songs I am either currently listening to or that mean something to me. I decided to explain them since some of them are new songs and are not well known. I really enjoy music, so picking 7 is difficult. So I had to do 8!

1). Calling For a Flood by John Waller- This is a new CD for me and this song is asking God to flood my life with Him and to take over every aspect of me. That is my desire... to be completely filled with Him!
2). Still Calls Me Son by John Waller- This song beautifully describes the love of God. That no matter what I have done or will do, God will be waiting with opened arms.
3). Stand in the Rain by Superchick- This song has been very important to me. The beat in this song is amazing but the words far surpass it. This song discuss that, even though we have pain, we should stand strong because eventually we will make it through the storm and be stronger. This has been such a blessing as I struggled with the inability to have another child. It helped me to realize I could stand in the pain and not drown. That one day, I would be finished with this storm. Powerful song!
4). My Wish by Rascal Flatts- This song is really good. It sums up many of the things I wish for Todd's life.
5). Only Imagine by Mercy Me- This is an older song but it hits me as much today as it did the first time I heard it. I can not wait for the day that I see my Lord. My mind can't fathom how great this is going to be!
6). If you Want Me To by Ginny Owens- This song was a big part of a turning point for me. After our situation in Oklahoma, I was left questioning a lot of things. I was angry and confused with God. I heard this song at a low in my spiritual life and it totally changed my mindset and my heart. My thoughts became lines from this song.."I'm gonna walk through the valley, if you want me to. It may not be the way I would have chosen.. but you never promised it would be easy, you only said I'd never go alone."
7). My Savior My God by Aaron Shust- This song is a good reminder that God is always there and will forever be my God. Todd loves to sing this song and I hope that the message is forever in his head!
8). Be Lifted High by Michael W. Smith- I love all of his music. This is a new song that I came across and loved this line, "And I fall on my knees so that it's You that they see". I hope that is how I live my life!

There you have it. Yes, I do listen to other songs that are not by christian artists. I just have so many that are that impact me daily!
I tag:
Franklin
Tracy
Becky