Day 2

Okay, I have so much to post about but I don't have much time. So, here it is. I have officially started a diet. Really, I have got to do something and my baby excuses are gone. I am on day 2. I will keep you updated. Why does this have to be so hard. I am always made very aware of my lack of discipline. I am sure God is teaching me a lot.

The Label

Many of you may not know, my original major was elementary education. At the end of my junior year, I was in a position where I needed to take some extra classes to stay full time but I could not graduate early due to pre-student teaching and student teaching having to be in separate semesters. I was advised to pick up an additional major of ESL or special education. For my high school friends, you know Spanish class was not my area of talent. (Anyone remember all of the craziness in that class?) So, I picked Sp. Ed. I was only doing it to be "more marketable". I did not know that it would be my passion years later. However, no one told me I would stick out like a sore thumb one day.

I plainly remember my first job, which I was not passionate about sp ed at that time. I was standing in the hall of a middle school open house talking to another teacher. A parent walked up to us and said, "You all must be the special education teachers". I was a little angry. I looked down to double check that I didn't have mismatched shoes or socks. I wanted to know if I had a special ed sticker on my head.

I also wasn't told that other teachers look at "us" differently. Every school, I had to prove myself. I later realized, some sp ed teachers are lazy and get into the field to do nothing. Therefore, we often get a bad reputation.

Anyway, all of that mumbling to get to my current story. I went to Walmart to shop. That was stupid, I know. I was talking to a teacher I worked for last year before I got my full time position. She was out on medical leave. As we were talking, a lady my age walked up with a bag of instant potatoes wanting to know how to make them and were they healthy and was there something else healthier because her kids were huge (my word not hers) and needed to lose weight. It was obvious she was unable to read nor comprehend. For the next hour, I was helping her get salt, noodles, cheese, etc for some recipe on the back of a box of whole grain noodles. She had passed numerous people to get to me. Had it been 1999, I would have been offended and been looking for the label, Special Ed teacher, on my head. However, I now see it as a chance I had to help a lady. Todd and Jackson could not have been any better. I got more looks in that hour than I get in 10 trips to Walmart. Some looked at me like I was crazy. Others looked at me like I was sick and some looked compassionate. At the end of our trip, she looked at me and said, "you must go to church". I told her I did. We exchanged the names and denominations of our church, which happened to be the same. She then said my church must have many nice people, which we do. Then she began telling me that she had tried to get help in another store and no one would help. My heart almost broke for her. How challenging must it be to try to fix healthy food when you can't read or understand the food pyramid.

After we were done, I was able to talk to Todd about helping her and that being the nice thing to do. We also talked about the fact that she knew we were Christians because we helped her. We were all tired but I was thankful I had that label on my head and that God had provided me with the abilities to help her!

These verses came to mind when I was helping her...

Matthew 25:34-40. (Where Jesus says what you did for the least of these you did for me.)

Random comments

I do not know if anyone even reads this anymore since I never have time to update it. I will write an update to see if anyone responds.

Life has been busy lately. We have had vacation, VBS, swimming lessons, doctors appointments, and daily life and the summer has just begun! I will hit the high parts.

Brad, Todd, Phillip 3, and I went for a couple days to Six Flags. The park closed the first day due to weather but we still had fun going to the movies and playing in the hotel pool. Then, we had a blast at the park all the next day.

Jackson is changing so quickly. He is about 20 pounds and is full of energy. He is pulling to standing and is starting to cruise. His smile will make your heart melt and his laugh makes Todd and I crack up! I think Todd says it best. "I am glad you had a baby because he is really cute."

There are still days that I would love to see my baby girl that we lost. There are still days that I wonder what she looked like and how she would act. I wonder how we would be with a girl. I wished I could buy those adorable dresses! Then, I see these type pictures and realize that, though the loss of Faith was so hard, I cannot imagine my life without my Jackson. I love these boys more than life itself! If Faith had lived, Jackson would not have been here.

Lord, please forgive me when I doubt Your plans. Help me to walk in Your ways not mine. Thank you for loving me despite my weaknesses and despite my anger toward You during trying times. Help me to cherish the ones I love and draw me Home someday to see those that have gone before me! In Jesus' Holy and magnificent name, Amen!

Take it for granted..

His laugh

His smile

His constant motion

His kisses

His hugs

His crying

His spit up

Saying no 100 times a day

Watching him pull up

Watching him laugh at the dogs

Watching him chase his brother

These are all things that I take for granted and did not see on Friday.

As many of you know, Jackson had thrown up once Wed. evening. All day Thurs., he seemed completely fine. Thurs. night, he threw up again. By the next morning, he was not wanting to wake up and he was close to being non-responsive. He would look at me when I called his name and then his eyes would roll back in his head and he would fall back asleep. He was like a rag doll. I called the Dr and they asked "How far are you from the office and do you have a car so that you can leave now. Come on, we will be ready." I somehow got things ready quickly and took off to the office. When we got there, they had a room ready for us. After looking at him, he was slightly dehydrated. I am still not sure how that happened since he only got sick 2 times in 2 days. He was a sock baby. As I looked at him so pitiful, I was reminded of how blessed I am. I am so thankful that he is feeling better. It was a scary few hours! I hve held both boys a little tighter since then!

Random thoughts

Life has been so hectic lately. I feel as though I can hardly breath some days. Brad is traveling quite a bit right now. I am just thankful he is not still working in Chicago Monday-Thursday every week like he was 2 summers ago. Anyway, I will write a few things that have been running in my head.

This economy crisis is driving me nuts! I know so many people that are loosing their jobs and there is no real end in sight. I really feel for those that are feeling the hits. I know some of you that read this are in that boat. Please know that I pray for you often! I have been in a position of stress due to money.

I cannot believe how fast Jackson is growing up. He crawls, sits himself up, says Ma-Ma, and pulls up to his knees. This will be our last child, unless God decides something different. I really kind of wanted him to stay a baby at least the normal time. Instead, he is quick to grow up. I have always heard, "Time goes fast once you have children" and it really does. Well, some days seem like they will never end :).

Well, now that I have bored you all, I guess I will get back to work. I have so many things to do. Blogging and Facebook should not be on there.

Update

Okay, just in case anyone reads this, I will update you. Jackson is now 6 months old. He is SO active. He is already crawling and is moving anywhere he wants to go. He has also started pulling himself up to sitting position in his bed. He is working on doing that on the floor, too. He wears me out!! He is much smaller than Todd was. Jackson was 26 1/4" and 17 lbs 2 oz. Todd weighed 20 lbs 8 oz and was 26 3/4" at the same age. Todd looks a lot like my baby pictures. I was on the small side if you can believe it. I think part of it is because he is so active and he has had so many eating issues. He is in the process of getting off of his acid reflux medicine. We will be transitioning him to soy formula soon (we hope)! I am loving the interactions between Todd and Jackson. They are priceless. Tonight, Todd and Jackson were chasing each other crawling. They ended up crawling behind the couch. Both were laughing so hard, they couldn't move. Anyway, I will leave you with a few pictures. Maybe I will update more soon!

My 2 boys!!

He was unsure of the photographer. He cuts his eyes often. I think it is because his mom is a teacher!

I look at this picture and can't believe this is my baby Todd. He is growing up so fast but he has the heart unlike anyone I know! He is so gentle and tender!

This is Jackson on the go. The Boppy pillow was no challenge for him Don't you love the fat rolls!!

Remove Promptly

Okay, I am behind in blogging but this came to me tonight and I decided to share.

Brad has been out of town since Monday so I have been home with the boys alone. I was trying to get some laundry done today and things have gotten in the way.. take Todd to school, feed the baby, eat lunch, pick Todd up from school, do homework.. you get the point! I had a new jacket in the load and as I was moving it over to the dryer, I decided I needed to check and see if it could be dried. I read the tag and it said "Wash in cold water, Remove Promptly, and dry on low setting. Now, I have seen these words frequently but I had to laugh because today promptly was not going to happen. Then, I started thinking about how many times I would like to be removed promptly and it doesn't happen. Sick- remove promptly, no job- remove promptly, bad economy- remove promptly, depression- remove promptly, pain- remove promptly, death- remove promptly. You get the point. There are many times in life I have wanted and will want God to remove me promptly. However, he laughs and says, not today. Because just like me today, there are things that are still to be done. I need to be taught compassion, patience, trust, faith, joy, and love. It was then that I was drawn to these scriptures..

2 Thessalonians 1:3-5 (New International Version)
3We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. 4Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.
5All this is evidence that God's judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering.

James 1:1-3 (New International Version)
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

1 Peter 1:5-7 (New International Version)
5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Some of these verses are very hard! I am still striving to get to the point where I count it as "pure joy" and thanking God for not removing promptly!

Abs of steel and you might be a teacher's kid if...

No, I'm not referring to me. I think that is what Jackson is working on at an early age. He has sat in his swing many hours. When he wasn't sleeping, that was the only place we had a chance of getting any rest. He has spent quality time talking to his mobile. However, it is almost time to say goodbye to the swing. Look for yourself...

Before: Calm, sleeping baby.

Now: Pulling himself to the sitting position using the toy bar!

He actually pulls himself all the way to sitting up. He hates to lay back and this swing does not sit anymore upright than it is now. He cracks me up!!

On another note, Todd is obviously a teacher's child. Today, Jackson was screaming. He has been doing that all day. He is teething and is in pain. Todd was playing the Wii. I overheard Todd asking Jackson to please quit crying. I finally got the bottle ready and went to get Jackson. I said to J, "Are you driving your brother nuts"? Todd looked at me and said, "Yes, he is crying and I can't focus"! I almost busted out laughing. Focusing on the Wii is very important!

My boys

Last night, Todd was laying in the bed and asked for Jackson to lay beside him. We all 3 piled in the bed to talk. I love these moments. I love the time that we can just sit back and enjoy one another and not worry about a schedule. We have had a lot of time together since Todd was off for "snow days" Tuesday through Friday. Today, I am going through Todd withdraws. I love to spend time with him. I love his personality. His laugh brightens my day. I can't wait to see what Jackson will be like as he matures. In the meantime, I will sit back and enjoy every moment of my two boys!

Wake up call

Have you ever had those moments with your kids that is God waking you up and teaching you a lesson you needed? Well, I had one of those moment last night. Todd came in from school and things were going normal.. homework, Ar book, etc. We were on the "go to church schedule" which is a mad race since we start at 6:30. Due to the early time, we meet Brad at church. Long story short, Todd lost his chance to play the Wii on Wednesdays because he would not get off when he was supposed to get off, which was making us run late to church. We get in the car and he starts asking if he can earn his time back with good behavior. We have allowed this under certain circumstances, but he obviously was not learning the lesson by earning it back. I told him no. That set off the bomb of temper! Many minutes into his fit and losing the Wii for today, he says," Why can I not earn it back?" I quickly and angrily reply, "Because we don't get second chances in life to earn things back!" Suddenly I realized what I had said. It was at that moment that this scripture popped in my head..

Romans 3:23-24 (New Living Translation)
23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.

Ouch!! That really hurt. Who am I to say that we don't get 2nd chances. If that is the case, I was done with long ago. Thankfully, the Lord has poured out His mercy upon me and I have a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc chances!

Well, I am sure you all want to know if he got to earn his Wii back. He can earn back the Wednesdays by following directions. He did not earn back today because it was totally out of anger and lack of self-control. I did correct my no 2nd chances, but I explained that mistakes have consequences and that his consequence would be to have no Wii tomorrow. I explained that his 2nd chance was to prove he could handle it on Wednesdays.

All My Heart

Jackson has gotten where he watches every move of Todd's. If he hears his voice, he begins the search. When Todd speaks to him, he gives that grin that melts hearts. Yesterday, Todd spent a lot of time talking to Jackson explaining homework and the benefits of it. (No, he really doesn't like it but says it's for learning.) Jackson was just looking at Todd as if he was taking it all in. Later that night, Todd was explaining the art of walking and that he would fall some, but it would be OK. After minutes of discussion, explanation, and modeling, Todd looked and Jackson and in the sweetest voice said these words that would blurr my vision.. "Jackson, I love you with all of my heart. I would love you with all of my body but I save that for God and Jesus. They are the most important but you are next" I could not believe that. Not only was he saying something so sweet to Jackson, but he was expressing his love for Jesus. That was a moment I hope is forever etched in my mind and a relationship that I hope continues throughout their lives. God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams!

Misc. ramblings..

This was a busy week! I had something going on every day. I had to take Todd to the dentist this week because he had 2 permanent teeth coming in behind his baby teeth. We though they would push them out, but they got tighter. Due to our insurance, we had to visit a general dentist before we could see the pediatric dentist. After much prayer, the general dentist referred us to the pediatric dentist. Thinking it would take a month to get him in I called the same day. They informed me they had an opening then. Long story short, Todd had 4 teeth pulled (so his big teeth would have room), a small cavity filled (guess brushing wasn't good), and his 6 year molars sealed. He ended up getting a busted lip from sucking on it when it was numb. He was a real trooper and never complained. I am so lucky to have such a great kid! The only thing he said was "I will be glad when they are done so I don't have to worry about it anymore!"

We also got Jackson's 3 month pictures done. I was so happy with them! He smiled and acted much older than he is. time is going so fast!

We also had our nephews spend the night. This is the first time the youngest has spent the night at our house and the first time either one has since we had Jackson. They were so good!! They all had a good time. Brad and I laughed at the thought of having 4 kids. You would never get to rest! The Wii was there favorite thing to do. They loved playing Mario Kart!

One Year Ago today...

It was a year ago today that I received a phone call that shook my world. I was told that my dear friend had passed away in her sleep. I remember how I felt. My legs gave way and I felt like I was going to pass out. Immediately, I wondered why. How could God take her and leaver her 3 young children behind? How could he take the rock for her family? How could he take the supporter of our church? I admit I was angry and confused. I could not put my hands around this.

A year has passed and there are days I still wonder why. I see the eyes of her children and wonder how this was part of God's plans. I just want to hear her voice. I want to see her tiny figure bouncing into church. I want to see her at our ladies dinners. I want to talk about the life of being a minister's wife again. I want to have her friendship again. Unfortunately, I will not have these things on earth. I will have to look forward to the day when we can all be home together! I long for that day. A day where there will be no sadness, no fear, no worries, no pain. Oh, what a happy day!

I am a fan of Steven Curtis Chapman. I always feel his lyrics are encouraging. I came across a song from a while back and boy did it speak to me tonight. Like my friend Kristin says, he was so speaking to me! If you do not know this song, click this link. It has reminded me again that He is the one in control and I need to give it up to Him even when I don't understand!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_GQsVQikXE

Christmas

I am so behind these days! We had a great Christmas this year! My parents have kept the kids on the 23rd the last few years. That is very helpful for Santa and they get to be wild at their house for a night. Then, we all come over on Christmas Eve in time to open presents and then eat dinner. We stay until bedtime and let the kids play with their new toys. It is great! As usual, we are so blessed to have so much!

On Christmas Day, we stay home and enjoy the toys. Because of the age difference, we did Santa in two rounds. Todd was round one and Jackson was round 2. It was a great day! I hope you all had a nice Christmas, too.

Our Little Santa!

Santa has come!

A Happy Boy!

Me and my Christmas present!

The best gifts ever!

The Gifts

As many of you know, Brad and I have wanted another baby for 4 years. After many heartbreaking months and a miscarriage, we discovered we would be blessed with another baby. This Christmas has been different for me. I have to say that I am 100% content. A few days ago, I was looking at a tree that has plenty of presents under it and was reminded of my precious gifts. These gifts are irreplaceable and are my life wrapped in adorable skins. They are my biggest joy! As I looked at Jackson tonight, his innocence reminded of several things..
1). God has blessed me with 2 amazing sons. I pray that I can teach them to love and cherish our Heavenly Father.
2). I reminded of the awesome sacrifice that God gave up for each one of us. The thought of having to witness either one of my sons going through what Jesus endured is beyond my comprehension! There is NO ONE that is worth their lives.. much less a stranger.
3). I am ever more thankful for His sacrifice and the true meaning of Christmas.

I do not know if I will write again before Christmas, if not, I wish you all a merry Christmas. I pray that we all have safe travels, priceless times with family, and a true focus on what Jesus did for us!

Santa

This is our Santa picture this year. I am so excited that Jackson was actually awake! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and take time to reflect on our Savior.

Bath time

I was looking at old picture tonight. The top picture is Todd and the bottom one is Jackson. They are very similar in age. Do you think they look alike or different?

So very different

Todd at about 3 1/2 months old.

Jackson at 2 months old.

As you can see, Todd was a pacifier kid. He loved it and depended on it. Jackson comes along and he is going to be a thumb sucker. We have tried pacifiers and he does not like them. He works so hard to get that thumb in his mouth. In the last few days, he has gotten good at it.

I have mixed emotions about the thumb sucking. I do not have to keep up with it and worry about him dropping it during the night. However, I fear the day we have to break him from it. We can't just put it up and take it away. It looks like we have no choice.

2 months

It is hard to believe that Jackson is 2 months old! Time is going so fast. I wished I could slow it down. I look at Todd and realize just how fast life is moving.

Jackson is doing much better. He now sleeps at night at least 4 hours straight. He is so much fun. He has begun to coo and smiles a lot. He is much happier now that he is not having problems with formula. He has had a bad stomach virus, though. He lost some weight and actually had blood in his stool yesterday (microscopically). We are having to watch him because this can mean he is still having problems with his formula. If that is the case, we have to move to prescription formula that can only be ordered form the manufacturer. It will cost $80 a week. Please pray that this is not the case. That would be a car payment a month. I guess it is good that we just paid our car off!!

He was 22 1/4 "and 11lbs 13 oz

Smile

Jackson is really starting to smile and coo. I just love all of those sounds. We finally got a good smiling picture. He will smile even bigger, but this will give you an idea of how cute he is smiling!