14 years ago...

I was young. Some would argue that I was too young. My parents loved Brad but tried to get me to wait another year (partly b/c of my age but mainly b/c my brother had gotten married the year before and 2 weddings back to back was too much). I knew I was making the right decision. I was right!



I have always loved this picture. The Bible has our names on it. My mom and dad had a picture like this and we decided to do it, too. What a great way to start a marriage!
We had no idea when we drove off that day what we would be faced with: job loses, financial struggles, struggles with our faith over a youth ministry job that we were betrayed on (another long story), a miscarriage after 3 years of trying to conceive, 3 amazing boys (one a huge shock), and many other ups and downs. But, through it all, we have remained loyal to one another. Our love and faith has grown so much in those 14 years. I love him now more than I did on that day, though I didn't think it was possible. God blessed me so much that day. I look forward to another 14 years!

Blessing

When I look at this picture, my eyes become blurry with tears. I see 3 amazing boys that were given to me as the greatest gift possible.
I look at Todd and see the most beautiful eyes. They are a constant reminder of my God because no one else could create such beautiful eyes. They also remind me of his kind spirit and love for others. It reminds me of Matt. 22:37 because he loves with every ounce of his body.
I look at Jackson and see such a love for life. He is constantly flashing that smile that helps me get a glimpse of what God meant in Matt. 18:3 where he refers to being like little children to enter the kingdom of Heaven.
I look at Luke and see God's perfect plan. It makes me sick at my stomach to think how upset I was the day I discovered we were having another baby. Luke has been such a blessing. As I hear his voice and see his smile I am reminded of Proverbs 3:5; trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding!

Psalm 127: 3-5 (the Message)
Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior's fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don't stand a chance against you;
you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.

A wake up call

Brad has been out of town since early Sunday morning. That was never easy when he traveled, but now it is something I dread. Our household is busy enough with 2 adults at night but only one adult is insane.

2 nights ago, the 2 youngest kids would not go to sleep! I was working to get them to bed so that I could fold the laundry piled on my bed and do the dishes so that I could go to bed. Finally, at 11:45, they were both in bed. That means I got to bed at 12:30. Then, they both woke up at 6:20 grumpy and tired.

It is no secret that I need my sleep. My body eventually will get sick if I am without sleep for long. I also get VERY grumpy myself without proper sleep. Add that to the stress of getting everything done by myself and you get a momma that made lots of mistakes yesterday. I lost my patience way too much. At the end of the day, I was questioning why God thought 3 kids in our family was the right thing. I felt like I was in over my head and couldn't survive. I also felt like Luke did not get enough attention because Jackson was getting into so much trouble.

I then remembered this verse. I had to search for it because I could not recall the chapter and verse: Proverbs 19:21
"Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." (NIV)
"We humans keep brainstorming options and plans,
but God's purpose prevails. " (MSG)

Yep, it s not about me on this Earth. It is his plan that prevails. The Message fits me perfectly. I am always trying to plan and brainstorm when I really just need to rely on Him and His plans!

As I read this chapter, verse after verse was relevant to me right now. I found it so funny that I laughed out loud and thought, "Okay God, I heard you loud and clear!" I think that is what I like most about having a relationship with God, he keeps me inline and always has the right thing to say at the right time!
Proverbs 19:3 This is so "in your face" This is the message translation
People ruin their lives by their own stupidity,
so why does God always get blamed?
vs 8 The one who gets wisdom loves life;
the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper. (NIV)
vs 11 A person’s wisdom yields patience;
it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense (MSG) -This one really hurt!
vs 18 Discipline your children while you still have the chance;
indulging them destroys them. (MSG)
vs 20 Listen to advice and accept discipline,
and at the end you will be counted among the wise (NIV)
vs 29 The irreverent have to learn reverence the hard way;
only a slap in the face brings fools to attention. (MSG)
So, this little book was full of sayings that were relevant to me right now. I got that wake up call and hopefully God didn't think I fit verse 29!

This makes me happy!

In Due Time

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time."
1 Peter 5:6

I have written this scripture before and I have reflected on this a lot. I was drawn to this scripture when Luke was in NICU and I have gone to it often since then. When things don't go as I think they should, this verse pops into my head. I love the fact that this verse mentions God's hand and being lifted up in due time. I love that phrase.. in due time.

How will I pay for this... in due time
When will I get the answers about Luke's health... in due time
When will you heal a friend's mother from cancer... in due time
When will you heal a young girl from cancer.. in due time
When will we find out if my grandmother will get financial help.. in due time
When will we get a bigger house.. in due time

You get the point. My Father is in control and it is in His time. I am so glad it is! As you know, we thought we were done having children but God (and Todd) had other plans. I cried like a baby when I discovered we were pregnant again. However, it was in His timing. I am so thankful for this gift!

Lord, thank you for not allowing me to get in your way! Thank you for the promise of lifting us up in due time. Help me to remember these words and to learn to praise you while I wait for your timing and forgive me in the times I just can't wait! In Jesus' precious name I pray, Amen!

His timing has allowed this baby to come a long way! In due time!

My friend's business

I am so excited for my friend who is starting her own business on Etsy. She is making necklaces that look really cool and come with scriptures. So go over to Tamara's blog to see her site. It is really neat. I hope to win a piece but if I don't win, I will be purchasing a piece! Great job Tamara!

Miracle

My friend, Tamara wrote about miracles in her post. The discussion dealt with miracles today. I wanted to write about a modern miracle.

My nephew was born 6 years ago. When he was born he had some complications that made them run some blood work (I don't remember all of the details). When they got the results back, they told my brother and sister-in-law that he had some kind of digestion disorder and that they would be required to feed him every 3 hours his entire life. If they did not, he would die within minutes. They referred them to a specialist and began the every 3 hour feedings. Now as a new mom, that is so hard to imagine: every 3 hours for life. That would mean you would never sleep because if he skipped, he would die. We were all so stressed and heavy hearted. They went to the specialist and they did additional blood work. They told my brother there had never been a false positive on this test so not to get his hopes up. It wasn't going to happen. Now, I am a believer that God loves these scenarios! We all began pleading for prayers and hitting our knees like never before. 1 week later, they went back for all of the results. When they arrived, 3 medical geniuses met them. They were blown away and could not explain medicine. He came back clear from the disorder. The first case ever. The doctors tried to explain but were stumbling upon their words. My brother looked at them and said, "The explanation is quite simple. God did it". The men smiled and responded that it had to be a miracle.

I truly believe it was a modern miracle. I felt like I was sitting at His feet witnessing something miraculous. My nephew is healthy as ever: a gift we were given by our Father!

A smile means so much

This picture is blurry because our camera batteries were dying but it was a moment that couldn't wait on new batteries. Brad had been working for days to get Luke to smile at him. He had been smiling at me for a while and would not crack even a grin at Brad. He would talk and talk to him each evening in hopes to get a smile. Well, 2 nights ago, Brad was talking and this is what Luke did in response. He smiled many more times and has done it since easily. I grabbed the camera and snapped that first smile.

This story got me thinking about my heavenly father. He works and works on me to get me to pay attention and take delight in him. He doesn't give up! He tries everything he can think of to get me to look and take joy in him. Then, when I finally lock into him, I can't help but smile. And His response is joy beyond description.

I also love the way Brad's hand is holding his head. It reminds me of my father holding me. Brad's hand is huge compared to his head and it is protecting him from harm (like basketballs being shot on the goal in the house). Not only does my father want my attention, but he is holding me up trying to protect me while I gaze upon his face.

I came across this scripture:

"The LORD makes firm the steps

of the one who delights in him;

though he may stumble, he will not fall,

for the LORD upholds him with his hand. "Psalm 37:23-24

Wow. What powerful words. He holds me even when I stumble. Thank you, Lord because I stumble a lot!

And then there were 3..

So, it is no secret that we had planned on only having 2 children. We had always said when you get 3 kids you are outnumbered and can no longer play one-on-one. Well, God had other plans for our lives. He decided to bless us with Luke. He is a blessing and don't think otherwise. However, I had no idea how difficult going to 3 children really would be. Some days, I find myself coming and going. With Luke and Jackson being only 27 months apart (another problem), it is very difficult. Then, throw in an 8 year old that has homework and sports schedules and you get one tired momma! I love them so much and cannot imagine my life without them, but this has been difficult. I feel like someone is always getting ignored. Poor Luke has cried more than either of the other 2 boys because I am bust taking care of something else. I know things will calm down soon. Until then, I go to sleep the minute my head hits the pillow at nights and during the day if I get a chance. (Kristin, I can't imagine life with 4 kids and homeschooling. God bless you!)

But then, I look at this and I smile and thank God for the blessings and the wisdom to do it His way!

You've got to be kidding

So, today I confirmed what I had been feeling.. Luke has allergy issues too. I thought this was coming because his sleeping habits have started to become like Jackson's, aka not sleeping without being held upright all night. Today I took him to the doctor and he said that we would treat him for acid reflux. He also confirmed that there was microscopic blood in his stool so there is an allergy. I am nursing, though it is not my favorite thing to be doing, so I am going to have to try to cut out dairy. Okay, that is difficult for me. I love cheese. Cheese makes EVERYTHING better. I am giving it a try. I am thinking it will help me lose weight b/c nothing will taste as good. I am also giving it a try b/c if it doesn't work, we will have to go to the expensive formula again. I really don't want to do that. I am asking for you to pray for us. Pray that my poor baby gets some relief and that I can do this no dairy thing.

Sleep

I am beginning to think that I will never get a normal amount of sleep again! As most of you know, Jackson is a terrible sleep and now you add nursing a newborn to the mix and that equals feeling like a zombie at all times.

Speaking of the nursing bit, this is the first time I have been able to truly nurse a baby. I pumped some with the other boys but that was it. By 4 weeks, I had quit with both. Let me just say, this is how I felt yesterday!
I mean seriously, all I did was nurse Luke all day long. He was eating every 2 hours during the day and it takes him about 30-40 minutes to eat. By the time he got done, it was almost time to start again. I am starting to think I am not a good nursing mom. Anyway, I will quit complaining and go do something in the couple of minutes I have free!

Luke's birth story

I said that I would post the story of Luke's birth. I will divide it into 2 parts due to the length of the story.

On January 13th, I had a normal doctors visit. After a girl from high school losing a baby at 38 weeks, I was a little more in tune to the movement of the baby. I thought his movements seemed far less, though they were still in the normal number. As I drove to the dr., I prayed that if this was something to be concerned about the doctor would pay attention and if things were fine, he would ignore it. I did my typical pee in the cup, weight check, and blood pressure check. Things were all fine. They listened to the heartbeat and it sounded fine. I explained the movement and he decided to send me over to the hospital for a non-stress test. I got in the car and called Brad and my mom and told them. Brad was going to come but I felt it would be short lived so I convinced him to stay. Again, on the way I prayed for clear direction and peace of mind. I got into the hospital room at 10:30. The nurse began to ask me questions and hook me up to the monitors. Within minutes, I began to feel very hot and dizzy. I thought it was because I had not eaten breakfast because I felt sick. As I laid there, I got worse. My hearing started to go away and I was having a hard time to understanding what she was asking. Then, another nurse came in and said I didn't look so good and to roll to my side. I asked what side and she said it didn't matter so I chose my right. She said try the other side. They then put oxygen on my face. i looked over and saw that Luke's heart rate had gone from the 140's to 90 in a matter of seconds. It quickly rebounded once I was on my side and had oxygen. It was then that they told me I would be having a baby. I was taken down the hall and had papers in my face to sign about the epidural and the procedure. Between IV sticks and paper signing, I sent Brad a text saying to come to the hospital. I did not write that they were delivering b/c I didn't have time. After a few minutes, they had me call him to see how much longer b/c they were going to do it without him if he didn't get there quickly. I called and he had not left b/c he thought he had time to pass off responsibilities before he left. He made it to the hospital and they put scrubs on he and wheeled me out. The delivery itself was not any different. However, he was born at 11:48. So in an hour and 15 minutes I went from a non-stress test to having my son born.

Well, there is the first part of the birth. I have so much to write about NICU and how he got there but I will save that for later. I learned to be more prepared if I were to ever have another baby, which we don't plan on it! We didn't have the car seat in the car or the house finished. I just thought I had a little more time.

My 3rd little blessing!

I am going to write soon about Luke's dramatic entrance to this world. So many things to talk about and yet I am getting no sleep.

Hurting

I have to say that my heart is hurting tonight. I want my baby home so badly it makes me sick. I am tired of driving 2 hours or more a day to go to the hospital. I don't like that they know my face on the NICU camera to get into the unit. I don't like that my other 2 boys are suffering because I am gone and that Brad is having to work late at night because we are gone so much of the day. I JUST DON"T LIKE IT!!! However, I am drawn to this scripture:
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time."
1 Peter 5:6

I know that His hand is mighty and that he will deliver me from the nightmare it will just be in His time. So in the meantime, I will cling to His promises and do the best I can to trust in Him!

Oh so hard

As I begin writing it is almost 1:30 am and I should be asleep but I just can't sleep. I have so much on my mind that I can't rest. I am having such a hard time not being able to hold Luke yet. He is so adorable and I want to be able to hold him and give him those loving hugs and kisses that Todd and Jackson got but I can't. I know that God is in control of this situation and I know that Luke is in His care. I also have complete faith that God will heal my baby but it just doesn't seem fast enough. I am working on that. I can't wait to see Luke's personality. I know he was our little gift from God. Please continue to pray for that healing and pray for me and those after pregnancy hormones that are going crazy! Here is my sweet baby!

A little shaken

I read something late last night that has haunted me since then. For those of you that went to high school with me, you will remember Sara Pigg. She is now married and has 2 boys and was due to have a little girl this week. She posted last night that her precious daughter was stillborn on Monday. I sat there and read that and began to cry. Here I am only weeks from the arrival of our precious Luke and she has just lost her precious little girl that she was so excited to have. I do not know what happened but that is irrelevant. The fact that she carried a baby for 40 weeks and then lost her is heart breaking! I cannot imagine her pain right now. I could just see the closet already stocked with all of those beautiful dresses and perhaps a Baby's 1st Christmas outfit in there, too. I woke up all night with this on my mind. each time I lifted her and her family up in my prayers and prayed for the health of my baby and the health of another friend's baby (Erika). Please pray for this family and ask the Lord to comfort them in ways that we can't fathom! Situations like this really make you reflect on the important stuff!

Just Strange

I do not know how many of you had strange dreams when you were pregnant, but I do. I just have to share my dream from this weekend. If any of you would like to try to explain it, go ahead! :)

I was at the Orpyland Hotel for a spiritual conference for mothers. I was with a variety of people I knew. Some of you were there. We were sitting outside on the grass waiting to enter the building for the key note speaker. We were all having fun until we heard a bizarre sound. We looked up and we could see hundreds of airplanes evenly spaced in the sky. We could see them in all directions as far as we could see. Then, we noticed they were dropping barrels that were attached to parachutes. We instantly were terrified. We realized that it was bombs that were going to explode upon contact. We had no way to get away. After sheer panic for a moment we decided to pray. I lead the prayer and was trying to focus on that and not watch the barrels, which were coming fast. We concluded our prayer, which was basically informing God that we were very scared and to not let this leave us severely injured. We wanted to be totally fine or dead. After the prayer, we decided that this was a terrorist attack. We knew that these people would know that destroying that many mothers and grandmothers would demolish our society. We then began to sing and read scripture try to stayed focused on God. Suddenly, we saw men in white jumpsuits landing. They looked like they were chemical warfare suits. At this point, the barrels were very close. We decided to begin praying as they landed. We were all peaking as we were praying. Suddenly, one of us busted out laughing. The rest of us found that odd and feared it was part of the chemical attack. No, instead, we discovered the barrels were full of trial size potato chips, Frisbees, back packs, etc for a marketing promotion from a chip company. We gathered out loot, headed into the building, and went on about our worshipping.

Strange, huh?

One of those days..

Today is one of tose days I am feeling overwhelmed. I know things will work out but it is just wearing on me today. Please pray for me to have that peace of knowing God is in charge!

The Gospel According To Jesus by Chris Seay

I was very excited to get the book titled: The Gospel According To Jesus by Chris Seay. I had never heard of this author but the small preview looked like a great read. I have to say I was very disappointed. This book was supposedly about the church and our misunderstanding of the meaning of righteousness.

This is the first book that I have reviewed for Thomas Nelson's Book Sneeze that was difficult for me to get through. I would have put it down and not completed it if it were not for the review I had agreed to do on this book. I felt that this author's thoughts were scattered and difficult to follow. At times, I even found some comments to be offensive. I felt like more of the book was about him and his friends' opinions than scripture backing. I found very few items that made me think in a way that he was wanting me to think. I would not recommend this book. I feel it was a huge letdown.

Pictures

I am not a huge picture taker unless I am getting professional pictures done. I have to make an effort to remember to take pictures of all of those momentous events. However, I do love to look back at pictures and remember the feeling I felt at that point.

I allow all of the pictures that I download to the computer run in a slide show as my screen saver. Last night, I sat down in my quiet house and began to watch those pictures. I could remember Todd's first smile, Jackson's first thumb sucking picture, Brad and I's wedding picture, and even my high school senior trip. I can remember each of those events meaning something difference. Some would mean a time of growing up and some would be times that forever impacted my life for the good!

One thing I realized. None of those pictures brought back pain. I did not see the pictures that reminded me of my baby girl I lost, or the financial struggles Brad and I had when we got married. I did not see the times we had lost our job or the day I found out that my mom had MS.

Perhaps that is why I find such joy in looking at those pictures. It is a reminder of how blessed I am. How God has shown favor to me and my family. I could see God's footsteps in all of those pictures. I could see Him in my son's smiles, I could see Him in Brad's face because He had lead me to Brad. I could see Him as He protected me through those tough teen years. It was just a great reminder of my God. I was then drawn to this scripture:
How can I repay the Lord for all of His goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
O Lord, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant you freed me from my chains.
I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows tot e Lord in the presence of all his people in the courts of the house of the Lord-in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord.
Psalm 116: 12-19
There is no way I can repay Him for these blessing but I will try to glorify Him in all I do as a thank offering.