I was led to this video by a friend from high school. I have a CD of Watermark but I had not heard this song. This really is a beautiful song. One night before we knew for sure we had lost our baby, I was crying and I remember praying and asking God to hold my baby tightly until I can can meet it, if it was to not make it on the earth.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
When it rains..
This post could be about the desperate need that we are in for rain. We are now 13" behind and grass fires are everywhere. Our farmers are really struggling.
No, that was not what this was about. It was in response to life these days. First of all, thank you all for the kind words, cards , and flowers. It has been uplifting to receive comments from dear high school friends. I would love to know what is up with all of you! I feel well. Actually better than I had. It seems that the fetus was almost poisoning my body and that is why I had been so sick. Who knew? However, today, we received news that Brad's company had made some changes and he was laid off. Can you believe it? He had not been there long and the hospital changed hands. He was being flown in to Chicago every week. The new CIO decided to cut costs and that was one to be cut. So, here we go again. I told my mom I can't even heal from one episode without another one beginning. I feel like a diamond being beat until I shine. So, continue to pray for my health and now for Brad's job. This is unreal!
So the real thought for the post: when it rains it pours!
No, that was not what this was about. It was in response to life these days. First of all, thank you all for the kind words, cards , and flowers. It has been uplifting to receive comments from dear high school friends. I would love to know what is up with all of you! I feel well. Actually better than I had. It seems that the fetus was almost poisoning my body and that is why I had been so sick. Who knew? However, today, we received news that Brad's company had made some changes and he was laid off. Can you believe it? He had not been there long and the hospital changed hands. He was being flown in to Chicago every week. The new CIO decided to cut costs and that was one to be cut. So, here we go again. I told my mom I can't even heal from one episode without another one beginning. I feel like a diamond being beat until I shine. So, continue to pray for my health and now for Brad's job. This is unreal!
So the real thought for the post: when it rains it pours!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Done
Well, I had the D & C done today. I was very worried about it because I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia last time so I was worried this time. It was an easy process. I am feeling well tonight. I have not taken any medicine for pain. I imagine I will take Tylenol tonight but I should be doing well tomorrow. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words! They have made this easier. I should get the results from the genetic testing in a few weeks. I am in awe of the strength that the Lord has given me. It still saddens me but I will move on. Perhaps on March 19Th, I will have to grieve a little more since that was the baby's due date. If we ever endure the chances of getting pregnant, I pray that the outcome is better. My heart aches for those that have endured this more than once. I do not know how they do it!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
His Will
There are times in our christian walks where we do not understand how things work. I feel it is these times that we learn our greatest lessons about being a TRUE follower of God. It is so easy to have faith when things are going well. It is usually in these times that we forget to thank Him for all he does. However, it is in the depths that we realize we are lost without Him. It is in the depths that we learn what faith is really about. It is during these times that we realize that we are not put on this Earth for our glory, but for the Lord's glory.
We heard the news we had hoped not to hear today. We had a miscarriage. There was still not a heartbeat and our tiny baby had not grown any. This was difficult to hear and comprehend. Sure, the intellectual part of me knows that this is much easier than having a child with severe disabilities. I have worked with those kids and their life is so hard. I know that it is God's will but it is still the hardest thing I have had to endure. I will never hear this babies cry. I will never get to see their personality shine. I will never hear them laugh. But one thing I know is that that baby is in the best place it could ever be! I look forward to the day we can finally meet it! I know it will be a joyous day for us.
I will have a D & C on Monday. That will finalize this ordeal. We have talked with our insurance and they will pay for the genetic testing to see if there is something we should be aware of for the future. At this point, we do not know what our future plans will be. The pain is too current and the emotions are too involved. Please pray that the procedure goes well and we can move on with our lives, ever grateful for the vibrant young boy we were blessed with 5 years ago!
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Roman 8:28
We heard the news we had hoped not to hear today. We had a miscarriage. There was still not a heartbeat and our tiny baby had not grown any. This was difficult to hear and comprehend. Sure, the intellectual part of me knows that this is much easier than having a child with severe disabilities. I have worked with those kids and their life is so hard. I know that it is God's will but it is still the hardest thing I have had to endure. I will never hear this babies cry. I will never get to see their personality shine. I will never hear them laugh. But one thing I know is that that baby is in the best place it could ever be! I look forward to the day we can finally meet it! I know it will be a joyous day for us.
I will have a D & C on Monday. That will finalize this ordeal. We have talked with our insurance and they will pay for the genetic testing to see if there is something we should be aware of for the future. At this point, we do not know what our future plans will be. The pain is too current and the emotions are too involved. Please pray that the procedure goes well and we can move on with our lives, ever grateful for the vibrant young boy we were blessed with 5 years ago!
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Roman 8:28
Monday, August 20, 2007
The Storm details
Patience and humility. Those are 2 hard words to grasp for me. I consider myself a pretty patient person but could always improve in that area. Humility is such a big concept that is always changing. The more I study scripture the harder this one is. I think it s much more involved than not boasting. I think it is being totally open and helpless before the Lord. I don't think a truly humble person tries to figure God out. I think they just sit back and know that God is in control and this world is not about me!
Well, as I posted in the last post, we are going through such a storm. As many of you know, Brad and I have tried to have a baby for 3 years. While on vacation, we discovered we were pregnant. It seemed like a dream that I would one day wake up from. I was very cautious at first, but then we began re-arranging our house for this new family member. I went to my Dr. appointment on Thurs. Nothing too odd was mentioned. He wanted me to get an ultrasound to discover exactly how far along I was since we would do a repeat C-Section. He told me to do it within the next 2 weeks. They had an opening that afternoon so I decided to go on and do it. Brad was out of town, but we would have a more in depth one later. After a long process, I was told they could not find a heartbeat. This was devastating news for me. The Dr. said he did not want to make any quick decisions. Therefore, I am to have another ultrasound on Thurs.
Many people have asked what to pray for. Here is how we are praying. Despite how hard it is, we want God's will! If it is within God's will, we want this baby Thurs. to be as healthy as possible!! We KNOW that all things are possible with God's help. However, if it is not God's will, we ask that it be obvious the condition of the baby. We do not want to have to make a difficult decision. I would always doubt my choice. Up to this point, we have had no signs of a problem. If this baby is not to survive, I want that physical sign to be present so I do not have to guess. Please keep us in your prayers. Oh, we had not told Todd that we were expecting. We do not want to have to explain this situation to him. It is hard enough for us to explain it to our self, much less a 5 yr. old who has asked when is God going to give us a baby. I will keep you updated when I can.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds," James 1:2
I am not totally here yet, but am praying to get there!
Well, as I posted in the last post, we are going through such a storm. As many of you know, Brad and I have tried to have a baby for 3 years. While on vacation, we discovered we were pregnant. It seemed like a dream that I would one day wake up from. I was very cautious at first, but then we began re-arranging our house for this new family member. I went to my Dr. appointment on Thurs. Nothing too odd was mentioned. He wanted me to get an ultrasound to discover exactly how far along I was since we would do a repeat C-Section. He told me to do it within the next 2 weeks. They had an opening that afternoon so I decided to go on and do it. Brad was out of town, but we would have a more in depth one later. After a long process, I was told they could not find a heartbeat. This was devastating news for me. The Dr. said he did not want to make any quick decisions. Therefore, I am to have another ultrasound on Thurs.
Many people have asked what to pray for. Here is how we are praying. Despite how hard it is, we want God's will! If it is within God's will, we want this baby Thurs. to be as healthy as possible!! We KNOW that all things are possible with God's help. However, if it is not God's will, we ask that it be obvious the condition of the baby. We do not want to have to make a difficult decision. I would always doubt my choice. Up to this point, we have had no signs of a problem. If this baby is not to survive, I want that physical sign to be present so I do not have to guess. Please keep us in your prayers. Oh, we had not told Todd that we were expecting. We do not want to have to explain this situation to him. It is hard enough for us to explain it to our self, much less a 5 yr. old who has asked when is God going to give us a baby. I will keep you updated when I can.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds," James 1:2
I am not totally here yet, but am praying to get there!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Praise You In This Storm
Casting Crowns are one of my favorite groups. This song has amazing lyrics! At this time, I am going through a storm and this video expresses all of my emotions very well. Please pray for me. I will post the details later.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Todd's First Day of School
Yesterday, Todd went to school for the first day. They do this crazy system, so he is home today. He went a full day yesterday with only half of the kids. He will start officially tomorrow. I was having a really hard time letting him go to school. I really prayed for strength because if he saw me cry, he would get upset. I told him it was a great thing to go to school. I did really well. I was able to be strong in his presence. As I left, I got very misty-eyed. I still maintained it until I got to the car. It is so hard to believe that it is time for him to go to school. My house seemed so quiet and lonely. I had no one to laugh with or make silly jokes with. I know that this is part of growing up, but I have to say it really stinks! I will miss all of our time together. Sure, my house will be cleaner, but it will be much more lonely. When I picked him up yesterday, he came running to me as fast as his leg would go. He had a good day, but was ready to come home. He told my mom, "It is a really long time from the morning to the afternoon!" All afternoon, he was hugging me and telling me he loved me. I am sure he will do well this year, let's just hope I can, too!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Our vacation
I have been so behind on posts. I have had some comments on my lack of posts. So, I will attempt to catch up. In the middle of July, Todd and I flew to Chicago to spend the weekend with Brad. It was a really good deal on our part. Since he is flying every week, we had 1 free ticket. His company also agreed to pay for our hotel stay since they would not be paying his flying costs that week. He stays in a very expensive hotel, so that was a nice treat. While we were there, we did the Brookfield Zoo, which is 216 acres and is AMAZING! We also did the aquarium. That was not a good as the aquarium in Chattanooga. We were disappointed in that. Then, on Sunday, we went to Six Flags. For those of you that do not know, Brad and I are roller coaster fanatics! We would ride coasters all day every day if possible. We were so thrilled to see that Todd has inherited that love from us! He is tall for his age and could actually ride a lot of rides. He could have ridden on called The Demon that had corkscrews and went upside-down several times. We actually did not let him ride that one. We did not want to scare him to where he would never ride again. We are saving that for 6 years old! Anyway, it was such a fun trip. I look forward to going sometime for an adult only trip. There is so much to do there. I am sure we will go back soon! I have attached a few pictures. Oh, I forgot to tell that we were the Grand Marshalls for the parade at Six Flags. That was good because we got Todd's picture with Scooby Doo. That was one of the main reasons we were going to Six Flags. He loves Scooby Doo. He was supposed to be where you could get your picture taken with him, bit he was not showing up. We managed to sweet-talk our way into being in the parade, which guaranteed our picture with Scooby!
Our new toy
Okay, I have to say that we usually do not buy electronic games for fun. We did on Friday. Todd has been wanting a Wii. That is hard to believe since he is only 5 years old. However, we had put it off. We were in a store and discovered that these games are hard to come by. The guy told us when the shipment was coming in and we went and got one. It is so fun! For those of you that don't know, it is a video game you interact with. I have to admit, I played so much tennis and boxing yesterday, that my elbow is sore. We have had a blast with it. Todd loves it and it is a great way to get out energy when the weather is not appropriate for outside play. Now it will be silly purchases for us for another 10 years. You have to have fun every now and then and do something crazy!
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